Today the Blog will feature the top ten reasons that Paul's life sucked during freshman year. I cannot for certain say whether his life sucks this much now, so only Paul can comment on this. Hopefully, he will see said blog and comment to me later.

Yeah, so I kinda forgot that I was supposed to make this list of the top
reason why my life sucks like 5 months ago. I just remembered tonight, so I
figured I might as well do it before I forget again. So here it is, what
you've all been waiting for!!! The top 10 Reasons why Paul's Life sucks list
is here!!!!

10.) There are exactly 2 names on my AOL Instant Messenger buddy list. One of these is my sister. Enough said.

9.) The woman who swipes ID/meal cards at the cafeteria, Irene, and I are on a first name basis. She's really old. I'm not sure she'd remember her own name if it wasn't on her nametag, yet she seems to remember mine alright.

8.) The closest thing to an "intimate" conversation I've had with another person in several months is the deep talk I had with the deer head mounted on my dorm room wall just the other day. What can I say...he's an excellent listener.

7.) Did I mention I actually have a deer head mounted on my wall?? (Definitely was not my idea)

6.) This week I actually thought (excitedly) to myself, "I can't wait until this weekend...I'll have plenty of time to catch up on all the homework I didn't do during the week!!!" And believe me, I was enthralled with this prospect. Hooray for math!! I'm such a geek.

5.) The other day my roommate told me that whatever food he has in the room was free for me to eat with one stipulation, "As long as you don't eat all of it." And he said that without flinching either, as if he thought I actually might.

4.) The closest thing to a sexual encounter Paul's had in the past several months you ask?? Oh that was probably the drunk girl who threw up on me in the bathroom, then began groping me. Good times...good times.

3.) My roommate is a hippie with a 12-inch afro who listens to the Doors, Neil Young, and Vanilla Fudge. He eats Nutella STRAIGHT from the container. He showers maybe twice a week. Did I mention all my clothes smell like pot? It's delightful.

2.) I'm a weirdo magnet. Just recently I was sitting in the cafeteria eating my beefaroni and hotdogs peacefully when a really freaky red-headed girl came up, sat with me, and began babbling on about nothing in particular (am I alone on this, or are red-heads just inherently psychotic or something??). This is only one incident too...there are far, far too many to mention here. For example, I guess I forget to mention that I was hit on by a 45-year old stripper recently as well. 45 years old and stripper should not be used in the same phrase. The word 'stripper' needs to get a restraining order on the words '45 years old' so that the two will never be within 100 feet of each other. There's only one word that aptly describes my feelings on that encounter: saggage (that's baggage with an 's' at the beginning). Ewwwwwww.

1.) And here it is, the top reason why my life sucks...(drum roll)...I ACTUALLY HAD TIME TO MAKE THIS LIST (even though it only took me about 10 minutes...wait a second, maybe that fact qualifies me as even lamer)!!!!!

Yeah, it's pretty safe to say that I'm a bonafide loser. But that's okay, I like it better that way. This way I get to mope and complain to anyone who'll listen. I can listen to
Tenacious D as well - one of the few privileges in life that really belongs solely to the geeks of the world. Anywho, that's the list folks. Now I have to get back to what I WAS doing: surfing the net for vintage porn (j/k, I'm not that geeky, I only watch the good stuff!!) and listening to my Tenacious D. Talk to ya later!!!
~P.M.S. (Fuck. Did I mention my initials??)


Ha.

- posted by L. @ 10:17 PM