Does it ever feel like maybe something is spinning franticly out of your control, and, try as you might, there is no way to regain it? Yeah. That's how my life is going right now. Someone in my life is very important to me, but I feel distant from them. Too distant. And when I ask them if they feel the same, they look at me as if I'm crazy. Maybe I am crazy. But I know how I feel, and I know that things will happen, and there's no possible way that the other person can know how you're feeling inside. Scared, confused, frustrated. And there's no way to explain it. And you lie awake at 3 in the morning, pondering where you are and where your life is headed, and whether somethings are worth pursuing, while they lie beside you asleep, as if nothing can disrupt them at all. You feel like you're completely in their way, even if it is your room. You feel like you're a pain in their ass, that nothing you do can be so important, nothing you feel can make a dent. It's the worst feeling in the world.
Maybe it is because it's 3 in the morning, but I feel like I've been growing apart for a few days now, all because of something that happened to me a few days ago. Ever since then, things have changed. Maybe things have changed for the better, maybe not. Only time will tell.
- posted by L. @ 2:43 AM