Ohio? WTF?
So yeah. This whole job thing was a great idea, but now it's not seeming to be such a fabulous one. I'm excited, really, I am. But I'm scared out of my freaking mind. Somewhere along the lines of last night everything hit me. I'm going to be gone, away from my friends and family and loved ones for three months. I get to live with up to three people that I don't know at all. I get to go 6.5 hours away from home for the whole summer and I get to spend 2 days at home after graduation, and then 3 more days at home before moving back here.
WHAT AM I DOING???? Why did I think this was going to be such a great idea??? Is it? Am I doing the right thing?? Or am I just running away from my problems? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what I want, I don't know why I'm doing this. I wish I knew if I was doing the right thing. I wish I knew how things were going to turn out. I want my problems to go away, or I want things to be the way they were. Or do I? I'm having fun. I'm having a good time. I'm re-connecting with a lot of things that I lost. I'm happier about the way a lot of things are going. I'm trying, really, I am. I just miss things. I still haven't accepted them. I want to! Really, I do! Is Ohio the solution? Or is it just a temporary moving on from the problem?? I don't know anymore!!!
I do get to meet lots of new people and I know I'm going to have fun. But when is this feeling going to go away? Am I not going to know whether this is right or not until I get there? I only have 10 days. And I'm scared out of my mind. Absolutely scared out of my freaking mind. I can't get excited right now anyway, I have far too much to do in the meantime. But I'm scared out of my freaking mind. I just wish I knew if this was the right thing to do right now....
- posted by L. @ 1:55 PM