Still reeling...
Wow. That's all I have to say. Wow.
What the hell happened last night? Okay...I know. I still don't want to believe it. I still don't want to accept it. It was one of the hardest things EVER, and I wish I hadn't witnessed it. I'm glad that I mean so little to someone...but to that person: fuck you. There. I said it. So what if it's passive-agressive and I'm not saying it to their face. God knows I would if they were speaking to me. I would in two seconds flat. So maybe it's a good thing (for them!) that they're not speaking to me!
I guess it takes shit like this to find out who your true friends are. It SUCKS that it takes something like this to find out, and it sucks that in the meantime of appreciating all your friends, you have to hurt so bad that you can't even think straight, but the people that are there for you when you need them most are the best friends you'll ever have.
And it's nice that now there are no harbored feelings that maybe things will work out between me and the ex (yeah, pretty sure he doesn't even deserve recognition by name). Deep down, yes, I don't think I've accepted that it's over, but I will. And all the events of last night really help me realize that I deserve SO much better. If he can take a girl home and walk right past me, then he doesn't deserve the time of day from me. I'd tell him all this to his face if he wasn't ignoring me, so it's probably better for him if he keeps not talking to me! I put a lot of merit into the relationship I had with him, and I still realize that I was happy during the time. That doesn't mean that I don't want to throw a brick at him, or tell him to go to hell...yes, I do. I will for a long time. All those promises, I can't forget them.
I'm not going to pretend like I'm over him. Because, clearly, I'm not over him. And I won't be for a long time. But at least I'm ready to move on.
And I don't know what I'd do without my friends. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without them. I would have fallen a long time ago without them. But they stuck with me even at my worst, and for that they deserve to be commended.
To all of you- I love you. Thanks for getting me into all those um, fabulous establishments, because I, um, forgot my ID...

- posted by L. @ 12:37 PM