Inner emotional turmoil at its best!
Okay, so there probably isn't a best amount of inner emotional turmoil....but if there is...I'm at it right now! I don't think I've ever been this mixed up inside in my 21 and 1/2 years of existance (only 6 months till I'm 22...gah!). But ten bucks says I won't have what I need to do done by fucking February, because I'll keep making excuses. God damn, I'm tired of being nice.
So I just need to make it to May, and then utilize the time-honored solution to problems. What's that? Run away from them! Yay! Running away from problems makes you look at them objectively, not personally. If you're sitting many hours away from the roots of the problem, it causes you to look at them differently than if they were within a few minutes, or hell, an hour. Even two hours! It's much easier to look at problems when they're not right in your face.
I can't wait till college is over. I have no idea what I'm going to do, or what I want to do, but I want to get out of the rut that is college life in rural Wisconsin. I want to go back to the city (or suburb, whatever, as long as it's not like, 45 minutes to the nearest 'real' metropolitan area). I want to not live in dorms or my house. I want to not have to do friggin' homework but be DONE when I get home at night. Whether I get home at 4 in the afternoon or friggin 1 in the morning, to know that I don't HAVE to do ANYTHING until work the next day! How I am going to accomplish all of this, I have no idea, but I will do it. I will do anything to get out of the rut I'm in, even if it means starting all over with everything, and I mean EVERYTHING.
I don't believe in happily ever after. I don't know if I ever have. But despite this lack of belief in happily ever after, I'm determined to see if it happens later on in life.
New Years resolutions are a crock of shit. If I had to make some though, this is what they would be:
1. Mark time till May, do the best I can, and never look back.
2. Find a job that can at least help me accomplish what needs to get done (apartment, car, phone, food, other necessities, and find a roommate i won't kill).
3. Get rid of things that make me unhappy.
4. Stop doing things to please others if it's making me unhappy.
-and (this is probably a bad resolution) finally-
5. Stop sympathizing with people who fucked me over at one point. :)

So here's to hoping I can get at least some of this done by February. I know, I said the same about December 1, but I mean it this time. At least, I hope so. :)

- posted by L. @ 1:27 AM