Moving, er, stringing right along...
In the continuation of me ranting about things that piss me off, I'm going to start up on my latest...
Stringing people along.
It all started the other day when a friend was talking about their ex-boyfriend (or whatever he was?) and how out of the blue, they talked to them and were asking about how they were, and how they were concerned about them, blah blah blah. My friend pointed out that their ex hadn't been around for months, not since like, June or something, and now all of the sudden, he was worried about how my friend was doing, and telling them that they should talk to him about it? I don't get it. If you cared so much about someone, whether it be an ex or whatever, why wait till out of the blue? Why not just let them know all along?
Why is it that we have to string people along? Like, we lead them to believe something that's not true. And I know that sometimes we carry a blind spot for someone (newsflash, if the boy you like has a girlfriend, sleeping with him isn't the way to get him back or get him at all for that matter, he'll just go back to her), and harbor false hope. But sometimes, even the most level-headed person can fall prey to being strung along.
I am not very innocent about this at all. I will admit that right here and right now. I was 'seeing' a boy this summer that I had absolutely no interest in whatsoever. I found him rude, obnoxious, conceited, and waaaaaaaaaaaaay too pushy. Yet I humored him for about three weeks to a month (for much of June). I went out with him a few times, I held his hand, I even went so far to kiss him! Why? It was purely for a selfish reason...that I wanted to piss off my ex. Eventually, I realized I didn't have to piss off my ex any longer, but I was now faced with how to break it to Sam* that I wasn't interested in him. I went about it in the most subtle way possible - by managing to not be around EVER. I told my roommate to tell him I was gone if he called. I told him I was on a long-distance phone call on my cell if my roommate wasn't there (even if I wasn't). I told him I was busy if he cornered me at work. I bumped into him one day before work and when he followed me to my room, I told him I had to run to the mail center so that I could mail a graduation present to my ex-boyfriend. I did just about anything. Finally, I lucked out, and ran into him and his next girl-of-the-week outside of my dorm one night. I was ecstatic, because I knew eventually all of my lies would catch up to me. Now I didn't have to tackle the issue head-on, that I was just leading him on so that I could make my ex realize that he didn't want to be apart from me anymore. Because despite the fact that I was leading him on, I didn't want to admit it.
Why is it that we find ourselves constantly either leading someone on or falling prey to being led on ourselves? I mean, realistically, if there is someone out there who has made no real advances towards anything aside from physical attraction, seriously, just stop trying to think that maybe something will happen. Because realistically, it doesn't. I'm speaking as someone who has learned this lesson the hard way more than once, but it doesn't even make me learn my lesson enough to stay out of the situation! I rant and rave about finding things out the hard way, but I never really do take my own advice, so I probably shouldn't be giving any. Nevertheless, I find the opportunity far too there to pass up.
So why do we do it? Is it that our own egos are so fragile that we have to keep other people just wanting us? That's how it was with Sam. The fact that a guy LIKED me was enough to keep me stringing him along so that at least someone was, since the rejection of breaking up with my boyfriend made me think that guys weren't interested in me. So there I was, with someone interested in me, and no matter how hard I tried, I could not reciprocate. Oh, I tried. I told myself that here was a cute guy interested in me, and when was it ever going to happen again? Despite the fact that I rolled my eyes everytime he called, and I made excuses to not see him, and if he cornered me at work or in the caf or something, I would cut my break short just to get rid of him?
My theory is that we just like to know that someone is interested in us. Or two people. Or even more than two people. I mean, a lot of this is based on either my own experience, or from what I see and have seen going on around me. Call me a cynic, and you'd be right. I'm very sarcastic, and very cynical. I could easily say I don't believe in love and happily ever after. Most times, if I fall for someone, I tell them to get out of my life.
But at the same time, I'm human. And I do believe that love leads to happily ever after. Sometimes. I mean, I dated the same person for (give or take) over two years. This isn't to say I didn't buy into the whole 'old cow/new cow' theory (see the movie Someone Like You if you've got no idea what I'm talking about), because I did. And at times I went so far as to have feelings or at least 'what-ifs' for other people.
And despite my cynical ways, I do try to believe that deep-down, guys (in my case, only because I'm a straight female) really do care about me, or it's more than just physical attraction. I like to try and look at the positives in everyone. I don't hate my ex that dumped me because I wouldn't sleep with him. It took me a long time to realize the guy that I was interested in who had a girlfriend but still strung me along was, in fact, a total prick. And after my boyfriend and I broke up in April, I didn't think he was as terrible as everyone else did (he was being terrible, I will admit that now, so if you said that at the time, you were definitely right!). I really do try to believe that guys are generally decent. But overall, I really hate being strung along, because I'm way too naive sometimes.
Maybe this has to do with my latest disappointment, maybe not.
*Names have been changed to protect privacy

- posted by L. @ 11:57 AM