Looooooooooooooooooooooong day it was...
So here I am, sitting at my computer desk eating, um, beefaroni (yay chef boyardee!) after a super long, actually semi-productive day. Whoa. It's probably not in my best interest to be EATING dinner at this hour, but gah, I didn't earlier. So aside from a few cookies earlier, I haven't eaten since lunch. Yick.
Anyway....
I was immensely productive - finished all of my Sibelius projects, practiced organ & piano and 'worked', but I didn't leave Rodman until 12:50. Gack, Rodman is freaky at night. Luckily Margaret was down there studying for styles too, so I had company on the walk up.
I'd just like to complain about the weather for a moment. It's now MARCH, according to both of my calendar, as well as the computer (and numerous other sources I'm sure). What's with the snow? And the cold?? Hello! Go away! Winter has been long enough & cold enough, thank you.
**steps off soapbox**

Lately, I've been feeling really out of it. I am usually out of it, I swear I live in my own little world for most of the time, but lately it's been even worse.
I guess maybe it's par for the course of being a senior, but I didn't feel it until recently! I feel so OLD. It's ridiculous! I'm not old! I just have been here for while, damnit! EVERYTHING seems to make me feel old. Nobody remembers HMS Pinafore, or Professor D's Spanish fantasy, or the anal sex discussion before the band concert, or why walking backwards to Rodman had some ounce of sense in it, or the theatre sombrero and why you shouldn't wear that on the south side. Or why my nickname was the Captain's Daughter for a while...the endless tormenting of me by the entire friggin' tenor section in collegium!!! It seems like years and years ago that Bremer used to randomly serenade me with showtunes during the late night practice sessions, and why the week of February 18, 2002 was soooooooooooooo stressful and why I was bouncing off the walls. Nobody in my history classes remembers why I would have rather hurt myself than go to 20th century Europe and hear Professor Chalmers say the word 'um' every other sentence. Or when Professor Wheeler let our class out 10 minutes after we got to class, so Joe Dane, Hans, Scott & I went over to Scott hall to pick up Gallagher so that we could go to Ace hardware, Joe Dane drove and I called shotgun every single time, so Hans, Scott and Paul had to pile in the backseat - hahahaha! Our English class entertainment was Jean-Luc the gay clown (why, I'm not sure). Room-christening with Joe stuffing every scarf I own on the crack so that the smoke wouldn't escape from my room because he was afraid we'd get in trouble. That was the year we managed to steal the #1 from Culver's, and randomly drove to Beloit at 11:30 at night in the Reliant. Does anyone know why I compiled a very long list of male names beginning with the letter H? And Joe's demonstration of what "don't drop the soap" means in the commons? Gack!
See! I feel old. Nobody else remembers this stuff!!!
But then, on the other side of things, if I hang out with people that are older than me (ie, graduated folks), I feel young. I was out with a group of people a few weeks ago who were all older than me and had graduated and/or had real jobs. I felt so YOUNG. It was unreal. I looked forward to hanging out with older people because I was tired of feeling old, and I felt so young, and so immature and clueless. And it's nothing that they did, it's not like they were talking down to me or anything, but I'm rambling on and on about classes and not writing papers and tuning out my professors instead of listening and procrastinating on homework and setting my recital date and why I don't want to write my senior sem. Such a friggin' college student! I know, obviously, I am one. But then they were talking about work and grad school plans and and grown-up type things! These are people who were doing what I'm doing now only a year ago (or maybe a little bit longer) but I feel like I have such an age gap between me and them! It makes me long for getting out of here more - and I won't have to think about college-type things anymore. Unless I go back to school, which is a whole different story that I will save for another time. And no, I don't mean grad school. I'll elaborate later, if I think about it in the future. Blah.
I hate feeling like I'm in my own little world. This isn't my fantasy world where bad things don't happen and people don't suck, though. :) I'm tired of feeling old when I'm here, but then young when I'm around my friends that have real jobs or who are in grad school, or whatever it is that they're doing that's NOT college! I can't wait to just be done with this school. Because even if I do go back to school, it's NOT going to be here, and I'm not going to ever live in a dorm again if I can help it! Blah!
Shit, it's almost 2:15. I really need to go to bed - tomorrow is going to be another loooooooooooooooooooooooong day. I can't wait till Friday - I am going to sleep the day away.
- posted by L. @ 1:34 AM