Blah cell phones!!!
Death to cell phones!!!
Okay, not death to cell phones, but death to Cingular!
I'm going to go broke with this damn thing! Sigh. Well. I have a basically useless phone. For which I am paying $29.99 (plus taxes) for. But I had a great conversation just now (can you feel the dripping sarcasm????)...
Actually, the person I talked to was very nice. So no hard feelings towards the people I usually talk to - just Cingular in general (shakes fist and swears).
5:20pm - Call Cingular.
Enter phone number, last 4 digits of Soc. Security, and home billing zipcode. Get a real person, and have to repeat all of the same information (why did I enter it in the first place then?? whatever). So then...(italics in conversations mark things I didn't really say)
L- Hi, my cell phone refuses to make phone calls. It just beeps at me whenever I dial a number. And I can't access my voice mail because that's a phone call. I also don't ever GET my phone calls (so if anyone ever calls me, heh, forget me answering 'cause my phone doesn't ring...#&$@!!!!), AND I don't ever GET my voice mails till days later (swears).
C- Ah, I see. So, your home area is in Milwaukee, WI, but you've moved from Louisiana??
L- dumbfounded. Uh...Louisiana? What? I've never been in Louisiana with this cell phone (or any cell phone, for that matter).
C- Huh, well I don't know where that came from.
L- Right now, I live in northern Wisconsin. The zip code is 54971.
C- Okay, give me a minute to bring up the zip code in the server. Zip code 54971 is in Little Rock, Arkansas
L- (more dumbfounded, if that is possible) Um...no, actually, it's Ripon, Wisconsin.
C- Hmm, I wonder how it came up with Little Rock.
L- bangs head on desk
C- Well, either way, Ripon, WI...hang on, okay. I brought that up in the computer. It just looks like you might not have very good coverage in that area. Did you ever think about migrating over to the new Cingular wireless??
L- (oh dear god...). Yes, I already tried that. It doesn't work.
C- Okay.
finally! someone who didn't try and convince me to switch!
C- So, you said you were having problems getting your voice mail? Is your voice mail in your address book?
L- No, I use key 1 to access voice mail. It just starts beeping. This also happens when I call other people, not just with voice mail.
C- Oh. So, you can't make phone calls?
L- (sighs). No. It beeps at me, says it's redialing, but it's really not, it's just beeping. And continues beeping until I hit the end call key multiple times.
C- Well, I'm afraid there's really not much I can do for you, because of the migration to GSM.
L- (insert multiple expletives here)
L- At one other point, I talked with someone about switching my plan for the duration of my contract to a $19.99 plan because I can't use my phone very much.
C- Oh, that would work. Let me find one for you. Here's one for $19.99. You get 45 anytime minutes, and that's it. It'll be more like a pager.
L- well, as long as I can at least text message people to let them know not to call my cell ever...
L- That should work.
C- Okay. You'll just have to renew your contract for a year...
L- cries
L- Um. I'm going to have to go with a no on that one. Sorry.
C- Yes, I understand. Is there anything else I can help you with today??
L- well, aside from helping me get my contract shortened, or at least can you pay for a Verizon or USCellular or T-Mobile or something that actually works in Ripon and Milwaukee and Appleton for me, that'd be great....
L- No, that'll be all. Thanks.
End call - 5:38pm. Not bad.
So, sigh, I have a useless cell phone until I move back to Milwaukee. I think when I get a real job, I might suffer the losses and get a new phone with another provider even though my contract isn't up until July 31. Unless service in Milwaukee is good. But if I go to Ohio, I might possibly be screwed, since Sandusky service was kind of like Ripon service, except even MORE fluky - and that was BEFORE the GSM migration.
However, in lieu of my craptastic, useless cell phone, I have come up with the following voice mail message:
Hi, you've reached Lauren's cell phone. It's either not with me, not on, or my cell phone provider's craptastic service has prevented my phone from actually ringing even though it's likely in the same general vicinity as I am, and the ringer is turned on. If you feel so inclined, you may leave a voice mail, and the aforementioned craptastic service might decide to notify me about said voice mail, but it could take upwards of a few hours, or even a few days. If you are extremely discouraged by this message, and feel that you will never get in touch with me, please feel free to call my landline at (123)456-7890 (okay, my real number is in the voice mail message, but i'm not posting it on the internet!), or send me a text message, again, which I might not get....and I ask myself, what is the point of owning a cell phone that provides me with no phone calls, voice mails, or text messages?? Have a nice day.
- posted by L. @ 5:42 PM