Whoops
So, for all my ranting and raving about how great it is that Keane is going to be at The Rave when I'm actually at home - and I forget about it. Completely, absolutely, 100% forget about it. Damnit! And I was so excited. I think the thought left my head when all of those cold meds did. And I even went so far as to pick up Hopes and Fears to glance at the track list earlier today, and it totally did not even occur to me. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Well, it occured to me around 9:30...sigh.
I unpacked a bit today - I dug out my TV, my dvd player, movies, vcr, and a few other odds and ends that were in the way. I started a pile of clothes that I don't want anymore (like, stuff from high school, early college, and days when I wasn't quite so thin...), moved around some stuff in my room (but only to make room for more stuff- sigh), etc. I've got a great setup in my room right now, so I'm pretty excited. I'm sure I'm going to get crap for reception on the tv stations, but who cares since we don't have any good ones anyway? I'm not a very big fan of soap operas, and I don't like getting up early to watch Garfield & Friends at 7:30am on channel 24. Anyway, I do have a little tv stand and my tv, and my dvd player is hooked up. I started my way through Friends tonight, which was pretty exciting. The sad part is, that really was exciting. I got to episode six before I called it quits.
I got my report card today. I got a 3.33 for second semester, and a 3.28 cumulative gpa for all of college. I know, I should be much more happy, except that this semester totally just confirmed my theory of college: Don't bother trying.
Yes, that's right. Don't bother trying. Seriously. It's not worth the effort. If you try, you'll just end up disappointed. My entire college career has been a series of A's and B's where I was expecting B's and C's. And another series of B's and C's where I was expecting A's and B's. I wrote a long tangent about how to get a good grade in history by not doing anything, and yes, folks, I managed it again. Professor X gave me a B. For skipping out of at least five classes, not turning in daily work, not doing the reading, and writing shit for papers, and I get a B. That is the kind of B to be excited about. Then there is woodwind tech, where I somehow fanagled an A. I'm not sure how, but I got an A. I don't even understand how I kept getting good grades on my written tests (well, except the last one, but, uh, that was understandable...mistake number one was not bringing the bassoon into the test with me). I didn't study, and I didn't really listen in class either. I practiced clarinet, but the other four instruments I didn't practice at all. And I think the lowest percentage on the playing exam was a 96%...and that was on bassoon, which I didn't look at at all prior to the exam. Sigh. And I end up with an A. By doing no work at all. Then my juries. I debated not even going to them because I had felt like shit the night before cause of bad food somewhere, so instead of practicing, or even working, for that matter, I was sleeping. And puking. A pleasant night. Yet, I opted to go to my juries the next morning, played like shit, got bad grades, and then got bad overall grades. I personally still think my professor should have gone easy on me, because hot damn! It's hard to have three lessons going at once, but I didn't neglect any too much, and got a pretty nice handle on a really hard instrument in one semester, but, B's I get. Again. Okay, piano I probably deserved a B. But organ!?!?! Come on! It's hard to play a keyboard with my feet! Oh well, whatever. And my senior sem grade was kind of a joke, since I didn't even have my two main sources a week before the paper was due. I skipped out of sleeping for a few days to get the paper done. And I end up with an A-.
Now, my senior recital, on the other hand, really had me upset. I had just about everyone in the world tell me my reed sounded like shit. And, I'm not even talking about like, a few mentions here or there, I'm talking about constantly. Like, "oh, that reed sounded like shit, but it was a good recital," or "that was a pretty bad reed!" or "having some reed troubles, huh?" Yeah. Fuck you! I had a beautiful reed, made with some of my favorite string (varigated pastel, mostly purple and pink!) and it was fine on Thursday. My recital was Saturday. Not to end up in a position of having no reeds, I still headed to Milwaukee on Thursday night to make reeds, and ended up with five new, pretty reeds. On Friday, I was trying out some other reeds, none of them were quite doing it, so I decided to go back to pretty, varigated pastel reed. Saturday. Varigated pastel reed won't make any sounds. At all. Yeah. W-T-FUCK! I didn't do anything to it between Thursday and Saturday, it just decided it didn't feel like playing anymore (it hasn't played since that Friday, incidentally). So what the fuck am I supposed to do?? Play on a reed that won't make sound?? Yeah, I didn't think so. So I pick the pretty turquoise reed which was responding well, and playing well, and I warmed up with it, and I played through a few things with it, and I even play the first fucking piece on the program and it's fine. And I don't do anything different, just re-soak it, and go back out, and suddenly, it's sounding like shit, and I'm struggling, and my mouth is drying out, and nobody can seem to remember later on that the first piece was fine. I worked my ass off for that recital, and I get rewarded with a shitty reed. And then, in the days following my recital, it's just a stream of criticism from just about everyone about how bad my reed sounded, or that I had reed troubles. And for the one semester that I actually worked hard, the one semester that I actually practiced, and was on top of things, that's the one fucking semester of my entire fucking college career that I get a B. The one semester when I actually try.
I know it's kind of a moot point, being that I have my diploma and I've walked across the stage and I'm DONE, but I think I have every right to be bitter. Last semester I was ready to fucking quit oboe! I didn't even try for the majority of the semester, and I end up with an A! And every other fucking semester before that too! I end up with A's every semester where I don't try, and the one semester I do try, I end up getting screwed. Even after I graduate, Ripon never fails to make me very bitter, especially towards the music department! I guess Jenny and I do have a syndrome: The Ripon College Oboists' I hate Orchestra and I'm getting screwed by the department" syndrome. Well, at least I'm not alone!
Fuck, this makes me even happier to get out of Ripon for good!! Now if only a few other things would just, well, disappear. And when I say disappear, you could be going far away, but I somehow don't think that's going to make me forget any faster. Hell, it took me forever just to get over it, but now, not so much. Damnit!
- posted by L. @ 1:44 AM