Happy Halloween!
Now, go find a very sincere pumpkin patch and wait for the Great Pumpkin. :)
- posted by L. @ 10:34 PM

 
November 2 is soon approaching!!
In the past 17 elections, the outcome has been determined by an important factor. No, I'm not talking about the electoral college, the political party ads, the two parties involved. I'm talking about something much more substantial, and much more important.
Yes, I'm talking about today's football game.
According to the past 17 or so elections, the outcome of the Presidential election has been determined by the outcome of the Sunday football game of the Washington Redskins prior to the election. As the story goes, if the Redskins WIN the game, the incumbent (or incumbent's party) will win the election. However, if the Redskins LOSE the game, the incumbent will lose.
And in the EXTREMELY important Packers-Redskins game, final score ended up being Packers 28, Redskins 14.
Oh, looks like certain incumbents should be losing should history hold true. And they say history repeats itself.
In the meantime, want some comic relief from the election intensity? Go to jibjab.com and look at "This Land is Your Land."
Woohoo!
November 2 is approaching extremely quickly, and in the words of E.M. - please fucking vote.
- posted by L. @ 6:34 PM

 
Completely factual information!
Okay, so please refer to the comments in the previous post, because they're really quite hilarious. Props to Paul (Wilburmeister, Mr) for surviving such a travesty...I think any of my friends who got pooped on by Cedar Point seagulls can relate to being pooped on by such a squirrel!! :)
Speaking of Cedar Point...
Ah yes, today Jonathan passed along the complete truth about Cedar Point....you can find it in the following website:
http://www.factualmaterial.com/cedarpoint.htm

I laughed so hard upon seeing this. It could not have been more truthful...those guys were only there once, imagine being there EVERY DAY for THREE MONTHS! Oh, the people you'll see....
- posted by L. @ 5:28 PM

 
New oboe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you tell by the title that I'm excited?? 'Cause that's right, I'M EXCITED!!!! Only in my warped little world would it be exciting to spend roughly the amount of a decent car on a piece of wood with some metal on it to make a sound that often sounds like a duck in heat (I don't know what a duck in heat sounds like, I'm just guessing here). Either way...it's new! And it's pretty! And it's going to be mine! As soon as the credit card thingy gets approved yadda yadda...I didn't need $3500 right away...I just needed like, I dunno, not $3500. So, now I need to get the new instrument, and blah blah, and then sell of my other ones...leaving me ahead, hopefully something ridiculous like $800. :)
YAY NEW OBOE!
And it's new! Not just new used, but NEW! Sort-of. For all practical purposes it's new, even though it was like, play tested or something. But who cares?? It's marked down over 50%!!! So I don't care!
Yes, today has been an exciting day in the world of double reeds (or at least my little world).

Changing the subject, Paul, you're the only person I know who was hit by falling excrement from a SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!
If I had an award, I would surely give it to you :) Congrats, buddy.
- posted by L. @ 5:23 PM

 
Stupid cell phone!
Okay, so remember about a month ago or so how I thought I had negative on the cell phone service?? Well, after going through all the hassle of having a cell phone that I thought didn't work, going through about five gazillion phone calls to my cell phone provider, I finally reactivated my old phone because I didn't want to pay for endless amounts of roaming. However, this was before I had a bill in my hands to let me know whether or not there actually was roaming, because I was told that there shouldn't be. Well I had to get rid of my cute little phone (but it's still sitting in a box in my room because the labels for mailing it back haven't gotten here yet) and reactivate the old one. Not that I don't like my old phone (yay for it! and it's current usage totaled at 268 hours, 57 minutes and 43 seconds...this over the course of almost a year and a half...and still going strong!), but I really liked my cute little new phone because it was cute and fun! And in technicolor! (Well maybe not technicolor, but you know what i mean).
Anyway, a bit off subject...
When I got my phone bill for the use of that phone, it turns out there was no roaming charges!!! So in confusion, I called the phone provider and asked if that was a mistake or real (they originally screwed up my plan and gave me local when i wanted national, so when i called the provider and told them that, they erased all roaming charges for the time before i noticed, but that was only supposed to be 2 days or something)...and they informed me it was real. So I now would rather have my new phone because it's way cooler and has a better plan!
So...they can't reactivate my account because it was already cancelled or something, so I either have to go to a store and buy a new SIM card and consequently get a new number, or have them fill out a form and it can be re-opened but that could take up to 5 days. But I might go with the latter of the two options because I don't really want a new SIM card, but I would like a new number.
Side note: My current phone number has always been a pile of bullshit anyway because I live in Milwaukee county (my home address) and Milwaukee county has an area code of 414. Ripon has an area code of 920, but my cell phone has an area code of 262??? HUH??? What is that?? 262 is the area of the outerlying counties, cities etc of milwaukee...ie racine, kenosha, waukesha, ozaukee...maybe further? not sure. but my phone is based in milwaukee. so i don't think anyone has the option for not dialing 10 digits to get me. which is extremely annoying. i'd rather have a 414 or 920 area code if that must be it. So I'd like to get a new phone number preferably in the 414 area code! My friends that call me here already have to call me long distance anyway.
Okay back to what I was talking about.
I think I'm going to maybe get my new phone reactivated when my bill runs out for this one, since I think I have like, 3 anytime minutes left anyway, and those 3 minutes need to last until nov. 3 - ie, a week from tomorrow!!! Hmph.
So yay, at least I get my cute new phone back! But not yet. And hopefully I'll get a new 414 number too...don't worry to those who have my phone number, I will email or call you of the change, if there is a change!!!!
Oh yes, and yay for Emily for telling me that yes indeed, I can use my GSM phone in Ripon, it just bums signal off Einstein PCS! WOOHOO!! :)
- posted by L. @ 9:08 PM

 
Oh Monday, how I love thee...and by love, I mean hate!
Oh finally Moooooooooooonday is almost a thing of the past (only about 18 more minutes! woohoo!). Not that this Monday was so terrible, but it was just looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong. And I can't stress enough how looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong it was! I hate Mondays for a number of reasons:
1) It's Monday. The start of the week. The day after Sunday. The end of the weekend. Need I say more?
2) Mondays start too early (9am) and are filled with work (9-11, 3-4, 6:30-9:30)...I don't complain about the excessive amount of hours in one day (for an on-campus job) but it'd be nice if they were consolidated into three hour periods in the morning (with a lunch break) and then three hours in the afternoon, to be finito at 4pm in order to be almost finito with the day.
3) Mondays are my piano lesson day, and I most likely haven't even looked at a piano all weekend, much less practiced one.
4) Mondays are just, Mondays.
5) Mondays are the day when that history homework that I've had since Thursday to do finally catches up to me, and I have to cram it all into (like an 8 page paper) one very long day.
6) Mondays are the day when everyone seems to get sick. So here's to hoping I don't!! :)
7) Mondays just suck. They should be banned.

Okay, so that's a list of reasons I hate Mondays that barely even touch on why exactly I hate Mondays. :)
Anyway, I've been trying to post a very politically charged post, but every time I try, something goes wrong. I think blogger is trying to tell me to keep my nose out of politics...Hmph.
Got to pick (start picking) classes today - agh!! It's weird to finally put down HIS 490 and MUS 440 (History Senior Sem and Senior Recital) after (AGHHHHHHHHHHHH) four years!! Along with a 300 level history class (get this: to be a history major, you need to have 8 credits - roughly 2 classes - of 300 level or higher, not counting senior sem, but I had HIS 370, and HIS 300 for a total of SEVEN credits...scowls...so I have to take another class, but luckily they're offering one I wanted to take anyway!). I'm trying to decide whether or not to take the Matzke class at the 200 level on the Middle East, but maybe I'll just audit it. Yeah for doing less work. As of now, I once again have zero on the Friday classes! But we'll see. I might just bypass taking the Matzke class and take Woodwind techniques, and hopefully find a way to take an independent study on teaching piano lessons...but because the person that is most qualified to teach the class is an adjunct, I might not be able to take it. Boo. Oh well...woodwind techniques is good too, maybe I can take a class on piano teaching after I get out of college at UWM or something.
However, as I was leaving Rodman tonight, half paying attention to my surroundings because it was a helluva lot colder at 11:30pm than it was at 1:30 when I was last outside...I noticed something dart across the path about 10 feet in front of me. Looking up, I saw it - a DEER!! Awww! It was so pretty and cute and so in front of Rodman (by the Roy Staab thingy)...and surprised the heck out of me...because it sure wasn't the prairie!! So yay, seeing a deer almost up close made my day. Can we say easily amused?? Yeah, I thought so. Yay deer!
Sigh...well it was an extremely long day, so I'm going to put on pj's and hop into bed!!
- posted by L. @ 11:42 PM

 
Yay me!
So I was looking at the Calendar of Events for Ripon...yay! My Golden Hour recital is added (this is kind of a duh! thing), which makes me happy. Maybe people will come to it...
Hint, hint.
Though I'm not as excited about that one as I am about my recital next semester...though if I don't get my reeds going soon, I'll be up chocolate creek without a popsicle stick!
Whoops, reed-making was one thing I was supposed to do over fall break. Oh well. Next weekend, mayhaps. Better call Suzanne tomorrow...
- posted by L. @ 10:41 PM

 
Paranoia!
Okay, so I took a nap this morning/early afternoon...but the whole goddamn nap was filled with extremely disturbing nightmares/emotionally draining dreams. When is this going to stop?? It's been going on for about a week now, it's like I can't sleep without having horrible dreams. And then those dreams affect me long past the waking up point. It's not even a matter of forgetting why I was scared/disturbed/frightened anymore because I remember clearly hours after I've been awake.
The basic principle of about half of my dreams is that he's found someone else, someone else a hundred times better than me. And when it comes time to picking which one to choose, I stand no chance, because she's smarter, prettier, nicer, more easy-going, likes more of the same things as him, can relate to him better, wants what he wants in life...overall there is absolutely no competition between her and me. And then I not only have to try and get over him and move on, but I have to do that knowing full well that he's happier now that he and I aren't together, not because we just weren't right for each other and it was over because of it, but because he's found someone else - someone who is perfect for him in every way. And how can I compete with perfection?? How come I can't be perfect? I don't mean perfect in that I am completely flawless, but that I can't be who I want to be? I want to be prettier and smarter and more laid-back. I want to be less insecure about my image and myself. I want to have more confidence in my abilities, and I wish more than anything that I didn't get so paranoid so easily. I never used to freak out about the little things like I do now.
And why? I don't know. I have complete trust in our relationship again. But I still flip out at the littlest things because I'm so damn insecure. And that's why I'm scared to death of these dreams...dreams have never been premonitions for me, ever, but these scare the shit out of me.
The other 'half' of my dreams are flashbacks. As if living through the hell that was April 2004 once wasn't enough, now I keep seeing all those horrible, horrible moments in my dreams again. It's like getting broken up with all over again. I have seen those moments in my dreams so many times, it's painful to recall. I've woken up crying because those horrible dreams have felt so real. Why is this happening?? I'm finally secure in my relationship. I feel like I trust him more now than I ever have. So why now? Is the living nightmare that was Monday still so real and present in my mind? Is that what makes my first dreams so scary?? The situation makes me mad, I will admit. But I trust him enough to deal with it, and he said he did, so I believe him.
I guess I don't trust my mind. I'm sick of having horrible dreams like those. I wake up after one of those, and don't fall back asleep for quite some time afterwards. I wake up crying, I wake up wanting to scream, I wake up shaking. My dreams have replayed the breakup and the pub crawl, as well as other terrible moments too many times to count. And this time, unlike last time, when I wake up, I wake up alone, with nobody to turn to. There are no hands to hold, no hugs to get, nothing...just a lonely, dark room, a stuffed animal, and the need to repress the urge to call him at whatever hour of the morning it is.
I think the only reason that I wanted to go home/back to Ripon after a certain point in August is because I knew that when I got home, he would be waiting for me. And we'd be on the road to starting over again, and having a great relationship again, and because of that, because I knew he would be there, is the only reason I wanted to come back here. I know I would have tired of being there fairly quickly, and now I have lots of great memories from Ohio so I'm glad I left when I did. And when I got back to Milwaukee, I already didn't want to be there. I wanted to be back here, because I knew once I got back here, I would get to see him. And seeing him again made the whole summer worthwhile.
- posted by L. @ 4:24 PM

 
Be gone!
I love that whole delete option...really, it's probably the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Yesterday was not as disasterous as I had anticipated - woohoo for that! I had my less than shining moments, but overall it was not as terrible as I had thought it was going to be. So I feel much better. Stayed at his house until almost 10pm last night, which wasn't such a bad thing - there was a get-together with some extended family of his and whatnot, which also wasn't such a bad thing. I learned how to play Texas Hold-Em poker yesterday too- and kicked butt. Even though I may or may not have had help for the last hand leading me to win! :) Hehe.
So today I came back to Ripon, walked in my room, and almost died of shock...my floor is clean! But then I remembered I was cleaning on Thursday, and it didn't seem to be so weird anymore. Oh well. Darn. But yay for me cleaning, and finally putting out my pink rug!!!!! Still need to vacuum, but when doesn't my room need vacuuming??
Anyway, as it's only 9:00 or something, I'm going back to bed in a little bit - getting up at 7:30 is too early for this girl!!!
- posted by L. @ 8:56 AM

 
Fall break is coming to an end...
If the title has you thinking that I'm remotely sad about that, I'm not! Fall break over - fall semester full fledged ahead! Ah! It's half over now - which means halfway to the second semester (of doom?) but that means that much closer to getting outta Ripon for good!! Not that I'm excited by that prospect, even though the thought of the real world is somewhat scary as well...
I really do regret not going on the ACM Chicago arts semester this semester though. Though I think going back to Ripon after a summer in Ohio and a semester in Chicago would have been nothing short of a nightmare, but it would have only been for one very busy semester. Well, hindsight is 20/20, I guess. Had I known last year at this time what was going to happen during the oh-so-fun months of second semester junior year, I would have probably not gone to Chicago then either. Yep, I would have hightailed it out of Ripon for good, either by working my ass off to graduate at semester or taking the chickenshit way out and heading to finish my undergraduate degree elsewhere...
Not going to Chicago isn't my biggest regret though.
My biggest regret is not even really pursuing the whole Lawrence thing. What was I thinking? I feel right now that three years into college, my experiences with my performances/teachers/opportunities have gotten me no further than I was when I was doe-eyed out of high school. I have only two real things to add to my resume - and both were back in the stone ages anyway...the OSO gig, and the FDL Messiah performance. My goal is to be a private teacher when I graduate - and how will I promote my skills in that?? Since graduating from high school, I've had one student, and one lesson on that to boot. Huh? How do I expect to get hired when my resume of teaching stops in 2001?? I suppose I can hope that my experiences of my first students will give the opportunities to teach when I get out of college, and maybe can add on a few more students while I'm still in college too. But who knows? I really do love teaching, not in schools, but definitely on the one-on-one level.
So many regrets, but not the time to dwell.
Anyway, I guess that sticking around for second semester of my junior year wasn't so bad, afterall. I did have fun for the first half when I was still with the boy, and whereas it did seem like just falling off the face of the earth was a better idea than actually going through the day-to-day motions after he broke up with me was more appealing, I have to admit to having a great time (after the initial pain reaction wore off, and once we started 'seeing' each other again). I did hang out with a LOT of GREAT people and probably got to know some people more than I would have. And I met people I probably would have never talked to ever if aside from in passing and got to know them pretty well too.
Once again, hindsight is 20/20, and while I wouldn't repeat that semester for the world, I definitely would repeat parts of it, maybe selectively, though. How about I get rid of some parts of the last week of school but keep around others??? :)
Anyway, got to get a cake out of the oven in just a few short minutes...yay for baking (even if it is out of a box!)!
- posted by L. @ 3:42 PM

 
Pics definitely needed!
Argh, I really wish I'd gotten all the crapola off our scanner at home, because I really would have liked to scan my pics like my friend Elizabeth did! If you're interested in seeing a few of her pics, let me know and I'll get your the address, 'cause you can see me in two pics, as well as my friends Elizabeth (obviously, it's her site!), Steve from Park Plaza, Liz from Front Rentals and Heather from CP Shop...and I don't have pics of any of the above! Liz & Heather said they'd send me some, but I keep forgetting to email to ask them. But then again, I'll be at home all next Saturday with very little to do, so I think I might actually clear off the scanner and scan my pics - 'cause then I can make my scrapbook too!
Anyway, scowls to anyone who is Mozart (i've now had two!!!). :) Just kidding. Well, at least I have somewhat of a connection to Chopin - I'm playing one of his mazurkas on my recital!!!
Anyway, got my registration in to vote! Yay me! At least I hope I didn't forget anything, 'cause that would be just like me!!!! Hopefully I didn't!!
I can't wait till this election is over - the anticipation is killing me. There are certain candidates that I would rather not see be put back in office. Oh wait, I think that gives away who I think is incompetant and foolish (and a number of other adjectives). Not being especially informed in politics, I will keep my political banter to those who know what they're talking about. But I will say that I think if things are kept the way they are now (ie, certain presidents are re-elected), I think the country is fucked.
Ah, well, I don't know exactly where to go from there....
I like comments though! Leave comments! Even if they have nothing to do with anything! Leave comments!


- posted by L. @ 5:16 PM

 
I'd rather be Beethoven or Mozart or Amy Beach....

Frederic Chopin (1810 -
1849)
French-Polish pianist, Chopin
dedicated his career to the piano. He had many
romances, but the most famous and long-lasting
was with female French writer, George Sand, who
dressed as a man. He developed tuberculosis and
died at age 39.


Which Classical Music Composer Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Alright, you know the drill. Take the quiz, and let me know who you are. especially if you're Beethoven, so I can kill you out of jealousy. :)
- posted by L. @ 1:02 AM

 
Bah!
Sooooooooooo....
It so feels like a Monday...but it's not! It's Tuesday! Hooray, and only 25 minutes left in Tuesday! Ripon is, of course, boring, but tomorrow I have a list of things to do. The soda machine downstairs ate my dollar, grrr, but it's not like there was any good soda in it to begin with! Blah to them being out of Code Red - one would think last week was midterms, or something. :)
Anyway.
Rented Beauty and the Beast and the Little Mermaid yesterday - yay for fall break movies. When I'm not working, that is. I really don't want to write any papers, but alas, I have two of them due before the week is over. I hope Andy has next Tuesday off, 'cause I only have chemistry that day, and that would rule. Especially since I don't get to see him next weekend. But hey, whereas I was once somewhat disappointed about that, I have since gotten over it, since both of us are going to have fun-filled weekends anyway. He's going to visit his brother and see Bob Dylan in concert and it will be fun for him, so I'm happy! As for my weekend for halloween, I'm going to see a jazz pianist on Friday night at 7:30 in Demmer, then SAM SHABER!!! at 10:30 in the Terrace (and hopefully can catch the end of the opening act - none other than Ripon's own Lily Duncan!), then going home again on Saturday, going to hopefully get my pics from CP scanned and put on a website or yahoo photos, have an oboe lesson to make reeds!!!, and then go to a dinner/lunch on Sunday...yeah pasta dinners! Ah, the things that make me happy. Mwa! So anyway...the point of this originally was that I hope Andy has Tuesday off, and not like, Monday or something. 'Cause that would suck. A lot. Only 'cause Monday is my "run-around-like-crazy-and-work-all-day" day. :)
Soooo yeah. I'm kinda pissed right now. I really don't want to go into details, because it will be another one of those "Lauren, you're really dense and naive!" things, but I try to be optimistic and look at the bright side. I hope that I am right on trusting my instinct here, because otherwise I'm going to just be PISSED. But I'd be definitely lying if I didn't say that the situation just makes me really mad. I've finally gotten to a point in my relationship where I am happy, and felt that we were on the road to recovery from the breakup, the nasty fights we've had for the past two weeks or so, etc...and now this. The only thing I have to say is that if I ever meet the other person involved, I will be nothing but extremely nasty. It hurts me to think that maybe there are people out there who just want to sabotage things - wasn't it enough that we broke up once??? Or maybe I'm just dumb and naive, and I'm going to get hurt later, but I don't think so. At least I hope not - once was enough.
Sigh.
It occured to me the other day that I haven't seen Adam since JULY!! Gah! Where did the time go??? His 22nd birthday was on Saturday, totally escaped me, so I forgot to call him. :( Maybe tomorrow night, so he doesn't think I'm a terrible friend!!! Adam was one of the two (aside from my parents) that I celebrated my 21st with, then we hung out later during the weekend I was home too - it was great fun. And of course I missed him on his birthday, and have forgotten to give him what I got him this summer...blah to me! Hehe. Anyway, maybe next Saturday night I can go hang out with him at Marquette or something, that'd be cool. Yay for a weekend at home...
Maybe I can see Kevin too, that stupid butthead. I haven't seen him since my 20th birthday, and haven't really talked to him since May! Stupid butthead! :) Ah yes, I'm so mature, calling someone a stupid butthead. Oh well.
Well, it's getting to be bedtime for Lauren, pathetic, I know. Maybe I'll watch some more movies, then Garfield at 1am, then bed. Or maybe it'll just be bedtime tonight, since I have to get up early tomorrow so I can go print out the registration form for registering to vote so that I can vote absentee in Shorewood, since it needs to be postmarked by tomorrow. Blah to me forgetting on Monday, all the crazy running around (and packing, and forgetting things). That and I need food, since my room is extremely sparse (and nothing is appetizing, ramen was good this summer, but now...).
That and I need to practice, that being the whole reason I'm up here till Thursday anyway!!
- posted by L. @ 11:35 PM

 
Monday, Monday
Well, here it is, fall break, last round ever! Not that I'm exactly sad/happy about it...somewhat melancholy. As I mentioned earlier, on Saturday we were talking about how different things are since freshman year. It's like fall break - still a good thing, to a point, but nevertheless boring. As my job is located in Ohio, and will be ending as of next Sunday anyway, there really wasn't a whole lot I could do for fall break. So here I sit, in Appleton with intentions of going to Ripon tomorrow to start on getting some work done: chemistry paper, immigration & ethnic history paper, lots of practicing, teaching a piano lesson, etc.
Anyway, so the sister took me back to Appleton today, after a oh-so-fun trip up including random people knocking on the window on the ramp off the freeway (don't ask, please), and getting locked out of her car...half an hour and about $25 later all was good. Went to the mall, did some minor shopping, got the rest of the boy's birthday present, as well as Pirates of the Caribbean (for both of us, of course), and a pair of boxers that I wanted back in August, but didn't want to actually buy...once marked to half off, it was great! Woohoo! Anyway...
Spent the longest four hour and a half hours of my life between 4:30 and 8:00 today...sigh. And to add to all of the current relationship problems, now I have that to worry about. He might think I don't trust him, but I do. I just don't trust the situation. Fuck fuck fuck. I'm probably being naive, but I do trust him. Sigh. When it rains it pours. At least he liked what I got him for sweetest day...

- posted by L. @ 8:13 PM

 
Yay weekend and fall break!
Soooooo it's fall break!!
Hooray for a whole week with absolutely nothing to do!!
Fall break for me started on Thursday night at 9:00pm...after a lot of running around and confusion and crazyness, I finally went out to the bars with my Andy...then Lisa & Christine met us there. It was crazy, I don't think I've ever had my ID scrutinized that much, and Andy's was too, and he's even older than me! And his license is green, where mine is still red (should probably get that changed, otherwise I'll be carrying around an ID that says under 21 until 7-11-04 until I'm like, 28 or something). We're thinking that the bar maybe got into trouble with underagers at some point. We got back about 15 minutes before bar time, were all a little bit under the influence and giggling like crazy (wheeeeeeeeeee). Andy and I crashed pretty early, but hehe...it was a great night. ;) Absolutely great. I'm still happy about it what, three days later??? I have the best boyfriend in the whole world!!!
Woke up at a fairly late hour - yay Fridays! Lounged around for a while, then hit the road around 3:30 to go to Milwaukee....stopped & had late lunch/early dinner in Fondy, went to my house, watched the Homecoming parade, hung around for a while, then went up to the Shorewood football game. Gah, what a difference than it had been back in the day when I was there!!! About twelve cop/sheriff cars showed up due to the multiple incidences that happened at the game/during the game/after that game...
Things have definitely changed since I was there, what, four years ago? Wow.
Today was fun...just bumming around all day, spending a lot of time with my sweetie while he watched football. I swear, it's more fun just hanging around, and being able to spend time with him. I'm glad we're past the "attached at the hip" stage - because I would rather just do my thing and have him do his....the most important thing to me now (and hopefully always!) is that we're just spending time together. Whatever we do, just as long as I know he's there. I'm also hoping that by spending time with him when he watches football that maybe I'll start to pick up on the game, and then I can be just as excited about it as he is!! I think my aversion to watching the game is my lack of understanding - what's the point of the game again?? Heehee. But I am definitely open to learning - 'cause then it'll be more fun to watch football, especially Badgers and Packers!! The whole Sunday afternoon football is kind of lost on me, since I don't understand the game. But hey, I'm trying to make an effort - 'cause then it'll be way more fun!
Anyway, so after the football game afternoon, it was chinese food time with the Andy and the Joe...yay! Spent a lot of time talking about how different things have been since freshman year, plans for the future, etc...and in the meantime had hella good Chinese food (yay East Garden!). It was good fun, and they even started on Axelrod impressions - good old anthropology!! Can't say I ever took the class - but I've spent more time laughing over impressions by those two!!
The play was great!!! I have developed a more recent appreciation for Shakespeare comedies over the last year!! Yay for Twelfth Night...it was great. I wish I had gotten to see the play in Spring Green, but maybe that's something I'll have to shoot for in the future - seeing a play there.
Anyway, so I'm home till probably tomorrow...then off to Appleton, then Ripon, then Appleton again on Thursday or Friday...then back to the monotony of classes next Monday. Wait, did I mention I had a week off??? :)
- posted by L. @ 1:35 AM

 
To study or not to study...
In just under three hours it will be fall break (for all practical purposes) because I don't think orchestra counts. Bah to that. I should be studying for chem, but I haven't yet, and I probably won't (the test is at 2:10...), because what's the point in studying if I'm going to fail anyway?? Heh...chemistry has never been my strong point. Nor my give a rat's ass point, either. I was supposed to take Astronomy, and where I heard that sucks, I absolutely hate chemistry, so I don't know which would have been the lesser of the two evils. Besides, I've got my lab grades, hopefully my next two paper grades, and my sparkling attendence to boot. So hopefully getting a D on this test won't kill me...
Anyway, so I have deemed it impossible for food on this campus to be edible. Ironically, this realization came after discussing how Americans are somewhat wasteful during my history class this morning (and somewhat being a huge understatement) but then we were talking about selective wastefulness (is that a word?). As Joe pointed out, we have no emotional connection whatsoever to the Commons or any of its offshoots (pub, terrace), however if our mothers or grandmothers made the food we'd probaly pick mold off of it just because it's worth eating. For example, today I went to the pub (bad idea, i know, but i have about $0.50 cents to my name outside of my bank account and an accumulating jar of pennies on my desk). I ordered onion rings, a cheeseburger, and soda. Of the three, only the soda could be deemed edible. I gained about ten pounds looking at the grease oozing through the bag from the single onion ring that found its way outside of the cardboard it was being held in. After eating about three onion rings, deeming them 'yucky' I moved on to the cheeseburger because I didn't think it could be that bad. I mean, it had pickles on it. But I was wrong. Sigh. I think it's against some laws in Wisconsin to ruin a cheeseburger. I mean, cheese and burgers - please. I was a little less harsh in my judgement against Ohio cheeseburgers, because it's Ohio, and they aren't known for their cows! I think they're known for potatoes - just kidding Kelly. Either way, my lunch - which had promise to be good! - was a disaster, and I had three onion rings, four bites of cheeseburger and half a code red mountain dew. Lunch of Champions. Sigh.
However, with the start of fall break also means going home! And home means food! But more importantly, home means computer WITH SCANNER! Yay! I'll be adding the link to my yahoo photos soon so that all of you can see my fun pictures from this summer. Okay, I think they're fun. And my CP friends probably will too. Oh well. :) Yay for yahoo photos!!!!
Alright, almost time to flunk a chem test! Wish me luck on getting a D!
But really, I will have forgotten about the test by the time I get back to my room, because then it's bumming around for a few hours, then orchestra, then BARS!! Yay! It's been one hell of a long week!!! Yay for going out tonight to have fun!!!
- posted by L. @ 1:28 PM

 
Wisconsin Dictionary - Part I
Okay, so my escapades in Ohio this summer have been untouched for a while, but now it comes time to educate my non-Wisconsin friends of certain words that we here in Wisconsin use frequently. And this is to amuse my Wisconsin friends as to what words it is that we say that we might not even realize we say that other people find so amusing/strange/unheard of/etc.
Right now my dictionary is somewhat limited, but I'm sure there will be more additions. Hopefully.

Soda - This is not so much a Wisconsin word, as it is used in other parts of the country. Soda is a word used to describe sweetened carbonated beverages such as Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Sprite, 7-Up, etc. Also known as pop.

Bubbler - This one, I must admit, got me the strangest looks all summer, because I used it without thinking. A bubbler is found just about everywhere, where any person can go, press a button, and get a drink of water. Also known as water fountain, drinking fountain.

TYME Machine - I have to admit, I really thought everyone used a TYME machine, but I guess not. TYME stands for Taking Your Money Everywhere, and is a machine in which you can insert a bank card, push a bunch of buttons (ie password, checking/savings/credit card, amount of money, etc) and get money. Also known as ATM.
Just for the record, my friends from Pennsylvania called it a Mack machine, or something.

Cheese Curd - Yes, this had people absolutely baffled. What the hell is a cheese curd? I don't really know how to describe aside from something short of religion here. I couldn't even bring the cheese curd to them, they really have to come to Wisconsin to get it themselves. Cheese curds are bits of cheese that squeak when you eat them. At least, they should squeak. Not squeaking is a sign of a bad or old cheese curd. Also known as - well nothing I ever came up with. People were usually intrigued by cheese curds, but their intrigue was replaced with disgust as soon as I mentioned that they squeaked. Really people! They're good! Come to Wisconsin and have some!

Cow-tipping - Just kidding. This is pretty universal. And besides, I've never been cow-tipping. :)
- posted by L. @ 9:30 PM

 
New celebrity obsession!
As my friend Tiffany is obsessed with Zach Braff...I too have a slight celebrity obsession. Nothing quite like Tiffany's, though! Hehe, I hope she reads this. ;)
Anyway, so having a slight obsession with the Harry Potter movies as I'm prepping myself up for the release of the third one on DVD in about a month (I am ashamed to admit that I haven't seen it yet - but you also have to remember that from June to August, I was living under a rock, and anyone that had a car and that I would have liked to go see a movie with had a schedule completely opposite mine, and who would I have gotten to go see a movie with? Matt - aka George - the complete douche bag who would have probably tried to spend the entire movie making out with me? yeah, I didn't think so!)
Anyway, so in my watching of the other two movies about four times each since last Sunday, I began to wonder if the older Hogwarts students were about the same age as they were portrayed in the film - which led me to the Internet Movie Database page (one of the best pages ever!), and alas, found out that the actor who plays Oliver Wood is in fact, only about four months older than me!!!
Hooray!!!
Not only is he cute, and British (probably has bad teeth, but you can't see them in the film), and British people inevitably have hot accents...he's my age!! Darn, too bad there's an ocean and a number of time zones in the way...along with the obvious.
Oh well, we can all have our celebrity obsessions, can't we?
(pssst...www.seanbiggerstaff.com is his website!)

Speaking of movies that have to do with extremely hot British accents, I absolutely adore the movie Love Actually, and probaby most of that has to do with the fact that Colin goes to this great place in America to pick up chicks - WISCONSIN!
yay!
Though I think the producers should have researched Wisconsin a tad bit more before they have Colin getting off the plane at the Milwaukee Airport, and going to a bar and ordering a Budweiser. Budweiser in Milwaukee???? Please!
Okay...I think I'm going to bed. :)
- posted by L. @ 11:52 PM

 
Gah!
Okay, so I have a question. Is it possible for the Ripon College internet/email/whatever to be functional for even a week straight?? C'mon guys, this is getting annoying! Once again, it is impossible for me to check my email on the web. And since I'm computer stupid, I haven't figured out how to configure netscape email to pick up my ripon email, or yahoo mail to pick up my ripon mail yet...but I'm working on it (help?). Maybe I'll have that up and running by...um...may 15. Bah.
Today was mediocre. It was a long and extremely boring day. I spent majority of it in Rodman (I know, big surprise!)...but I spent about an hour making phone calls about a new (or new used) oboe!
It's a good thing I'm not going all the way to Minneapolis (sorry everyone who voted Minneapolis) because I think the people at MMI are just fucking morons. My teacher at home has a lovely story about them and her and a stolen English horn. And my phone call to them today had them telling me that my oboe would be bought by them for approximately $1300-1400, not including the 17% consignment fee...so at best I'll get about $1160 from them. Ha. I think not! Just because the oboe is from 1996 doesn't mean it's ANCIENT! And it still plays! Obviously! It just needs a little cleaning up, nothing that a new set of pads and some polishing won't do. And maybe an overhaul. Either way, I should get at least what I paid for it - if not more. I paid $1700 for the damn thing - I hope to get at least $1800...if not more. I checked another website today that was selling used Fox 330s (what I have) from 1996 for $2100! So take that stupid MMI.
Well, maybe I'll take a rain check on that Minneapolis thing for over winter break...and then it won't have to do with oboes, but rather socializing! And I can go to the mall of america (dear everyone, I want money for christmas. Just kidding. That, or a new oboe. Thank you). Hmmmm...
So yes, I'm still in the process of buying a new oboe. I talked to the place in South Bend today as well and they said I could try out new oboes, but that they would charge my credit card the price of the most expensive one, and then I could try them out and if I didn't want them, I could send them back, or if I wanted the less expensive one, they'd refund the difference...blah, blah. Can we say, HELLO POOR COLLEGE STUDENT! I DON'T HAVE $3500 RIGHT NOW THANK YOU!!! Hasn't anyone heard of a like, nominal fee for shipping and a fee for trying out the instrument?? Gahhhhhhhh! I wonder if my parents would temporarily sort-of lend me $3500? Oh look, a pig just flew by my window...
Damn.
Well...onto to plan, um, Q?
- posted by L. @ 11:46 PM

 
Is this me, or what?
Take the quiz and let me know your results!!!


You are Schroeder!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


(incidentally, i didn't even rig this one! woohoo!)
- posted by L. @ 10:10 PM

 
Hmph...
I think that I am just incessently bad at showing people how much I appreciate them. I mean, do my friends know how much they mean to me, especially how much they meant to me at the end of last year? I hope so, because there is nothing I wouldn't do for them, should any sort of situation like that arise for them. Or any sort of situation that would be important to them is important to me. I mean that. But I think that communicating through verbal words has been one of the hardest things ever for me to do easily. Some people have no problems telling people that they love them, or that they mean everything to them. For me, it's like a huge obstacle. Do my CP friends know how much I miss them? Probably, if they read this. If they aren't reading this, they can assume that I miss them. But if they're not good at assumptions, and I don't know if I've actually gone out of my way to say that I've missed anyone, even though I do miss them all...do THEY know that??? And my graduated friends, do they know how much I miss them either?? I don't know...but I know that some of the people that graduated last year are some of the closest and most loyal, true friends I've ever had. I know that it was hard maintaining what we had over the summer when we were all spread out through what? five different states? It's hard. I know I didn't try as hard as I could have. Granted, my available time for talking at a decent hour was a tad bit limited, but I know I could have dragged my lazy butt out of bed before noon on say, Saturday or Sunday and called people before I went to work, but I didn't. So, I know I am not the best person at communicating, and I never have been.
And that's where things get bad with the one person that I love more than anything in the entire world. Okay, before I go on, anyone who thinks that I should cease being mushy can cease reading now! :) This is my little therapeutic relief, thank you!!! :)
I have the hardest time communicating with my Andy. And I HATE that. Today was a perfect example of how I absolutely cannot communicate to save my life. If I could get rid of any of my flaws, that would be the flaw I would get rid of. I would keep around all of my other insecurities just to be able to tell people how I feel when I feel that it's appropriate to tell people, because that's one of the most important aspects in keeping and maintaining healthy relationships with people.
Both of us have been realizing lately that we have a huge problem communicating, and that's the last problem that I want to have with him. It's something I'm working on, but slowly. I didn't realize that it was such a huge problem until last week, and I'm trying my damndest to change how that works. But as of yet, we haven't had "the" talk about our lack of talking. Speaking from my end, I know that I was hoping that by just making an effort to communicate more, the problem would clear itself up. However, though it has only been a week since my realization, I am doubting that my passive stance on the situation is the actual answer. But I don't want to be pushy, either. I'm afraid of being pushy about something that is the difference between a good relationship and a bad one. Go figure, the one who wants to communicate more is afraid to take the first step. A year ago, my approach to this would have been 'if he knows that I want to change this, why isn't he doing anything about it?' But that, thankfully, is a terrible approach to take. As long as I can make a difference in the way things work, I want to make that difference. I want to have this talk about how we can communicate to make things better, and I want to have it as soon as possible. Next weekend we're going to Milwaukee for Friday night, and I think that our time in the car might be a good time to approach the subject.
I want this relationship to work even more than I did before we broke up in April. It's been six months since we broke up, and almost four months since we got back together. I've now been seeing him regularly for almost two months now (as opposed to the two times I saw him this whole summer), and I think things are getting back on the right track. It hasn't been an easy process. And I would be lying if I said I had never regretted my TIMING in getting back together with him. I have never regretted getting back together with him, but sometimes (but only for a few weeks after we actually got back together, by the time I saw him for my birthday two weeks later it was a different story) I wished I had waited until I got back to Wisconsin. But now, looking back, the whole relationship never hindered what I was doing in Ohio. I still had a blast, I still met tons of people and made lots of friends. The boys I met at CP were not date material, much less relationship material! The ones I still keep in touch with are good friends and I value that a lot. Having a boyfriend back home never hindered my fun in Ohio, it only added to it. Seeing him made all of June worthwhile.
Whenever he doubts that I was sad without him, I automatically think of a bunch of different instances that, in my mind, only proved that I was absolutely miserable without him.
The face that I didn't sleep for over a week after we broke up, and even then it was spacey sleep, not good sleep. It was sleep scattered with nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night for no reason and not falling back asleep for hours. It was lonely sleep, turning to feel him next to me in bed, and coming up with, at best, a stuffed animal. It was sleep that waking up to in the morning was miserable. It was bad.
The only thing that kept me going that whole time we were apart was the slim hope that we would get back together. Every day I thought that no matter what had happened, I would forgive him and take him back. And it wasn't until May 7 - the day that I accepted my job offer in Ohio that I wouldn't have done that. And even then, I probably would have.
The feeling that I had when he said he wanted to see me again two weeks after the breakup. The feeling that I had when he kissed me again for the first time when he came over that night. The feeling that I knew he wasn't just in it for one thing, even though it sure as hell looked like he was. I knew he wasn't. The way he made me feel even though I felt like I had to push him away afterwards to keep from feeling all those emotions for him all over again.
The feeling I had at graduation, and all the events leading up to graduation. I had fun, yes, and I had tons of people to hold my hand and walk me through the week. But the fact that I went to get my stuff back from him the night before, and then cried in my room for three hours afterwards, and the fact that when I went to say hi to him at the actual graduation ceremony and I started crying as soon as he hugged me, that's intense.
And the fact that as soon as I got settled in my room for the summer, the first person I wanted to call was him because I missed him so badly.
And when he sent me the dozen and a half roses. Looking at them on my dresser every day was like looking at a second chance right in my room.
And when he came to visit me. I can't articulate the frustration I felt at getting off the goddamn bus and having only a fence separating us, yet having to cross the street, walk through a parking lot, and cross a bridge behind two of the slowest moving people of all time, then flying down the stairs, and running across the parking lot. I practically jumped on him as soon as I saw him, and I think I might have knocked him over had he not been leaning on his car. Seeing him again was so great, it was better than I even dreamed. And I had been looking forward to that visit for a good month by the time it actually happened.
The moment he asked me to be his girlfriend again. I said yes without hesitation. The only reason there had been hesitation before was because of timing, like I said. I wanted to be with him again, but I didn't know if it was smart or stupid to agree to date someone who is, at best, nine hours away. But when the time came, any ounce of common sense was thrown out the window because I wanted to be with the person that I love.
After 12 hours of running around after work, getting on train, getting off a train, getting delayed in the Chicago train station, getting on a train to Milwaukee, and finally getting off the train tired, cranky, in need of a shower, and carrying a bag and backpack that weigh about as much as I do, and still having him be the first person I see as soon as I walk into the Milwaukee train station, and getting the second best hug of the whole summer (the first best being when I saw him in the parking lot in ohio).
And how about how much it freaking hurt to say goodbye on July 12, knowing it would be a full six weeks until I saw him again, possibly longer, that hurt. I didn't want to say good bye, I wanted to stay with him.
The fact that I would rather stay up late than go to bed without at least saying good night and I love you, I don't know if I passed a single day without at least telling him that for the whole summer.
Seeing him again in August was the best feeling ever.
Going to class or work when I know he's in my room waiting to see me as soon as I get done with whatever is the best feeling ever, as is waiting for him to be done with work on Fridays so we can start our weekend together.
The thought that I had lost him last week made me stop sleeping all over again.
Would I be happier without him?
The answer is an emphatic HELL NO.
Being in love with someone as much as I am in love with Andy makes people like me want to do anything in their power to make the relationship work.
I don't mean changing for the other person, but a communication issue now with Andy that isn't solved will most likely just mean a nasty breakup in the future, me losing the man I love, and having the same relationship issues with someone else in the future.
So now, I want to make him realize that he means everything to me, because he does. I would do anything (within reason!) to make this work, and would do anything to make he realize how appreciated he is.
If anyone has any suggestions, if you're in fact, still reading, let me know!! :)
Okay, now it's 12:35, despite the fact that this posting will say 9:36, just to give you an idea of how terrible I am at communicating my feelings, and I'm better with writing things down than I am actually saying things!!!!
- posted by L. @ 9:36 AM

 
Woohoo! Phone is functional!
Yay! So after playing "Hi, you all are stupid" with AT&T today, and yesterday, and I think the day before as well, I finally came across one straight-shooter tech help person who actually knew what was going on with the TDMA vs GSM networks. Her response was "if the phone says roaming, it's roaming." Thank you, you've finally articulated what I have been trying to convince your fellow customer helpline workers all along.
Alas, I have my TDMA phone back, and it is NOT roaming, and is functional. I just need to re-setup voice mail...I think.
Yay! I now have voice mail, and a functional, NON-ROAMING phone!!!! So it will be considerably easier to get ahold of me...hooray!!!
Okay, off to do some bitch work for the orchestra director...
- posted by L. @ 5:31 PM

 
Huh...boring.
I'd have written more but I think the only interesting thing that's happened the past few days has been the fact that blogger published my last entry like 20 times for whatever reason. It was fun deleting the other 19, lemme tell ya. Oh, the excitement.
Yesterday's great excitement was going to A&W for lunch, and on the way there having the boy purposely close my window and turn the heat on in my face. Nice, huh?? Ah, feel the love. :) That and then him beating me up just because I was trying to be all vampire-like to him, payback's a bitch!!

Music-geek fun today with my friend Marcus (aka Monkey-boy) in Iowa:
Marcus: grr. i have to interrupt my work to go help someone with astronomy.
Me: haha, the life of the aspiring composer.
Marcus: you're talking to beethoven's long lost cousin or something.
Me: maybe the long lost cousin of pdq bach.

It needs to be more exciting! This weekend? Maybe. I do get to spend it in Appleton rather than Ripon, hooray for that!!! I'm excited!

I'm going to see the Milwaukee Symphony on Sunday afternoon - yay for that. Even though it's in the gym at Storzer, boo to that. Oh well, the ticket's free, which is more than I can say for when I go see them at the PAC. But then again the PAC has comfy chairs, instead of bleachers.
Actually, it's not the Milwaukee Symphony I'm going to see, it's the Milwaukee SMYphony. These posters were made courtesy of the same department that put out the Minneapolis Guitar Quartet posters the day before the concert!! Score two for them. Or negative two. Either one. Try going downtown and asking businesses "hi, here's a poster for tomorrow night's concert." I got a lot of strange looks...
Anyway, laundry calls (well, the overflowing laundry basket, that is). Tchao!

- posted by L. @ 9:54 PM

 
Music fun!
So, I stole this idea from Emily who stole it from Peter....
Open up your music playlist, put the music on random order, and say the first 12 (or 15, in my case, b/c I'm copying emily!):

1. Jump, Little Children - Lover's Greed (live)
2. Dire Straits - Walk of Life
3. Eric Clapton - Over the Rainbow (live)
4. Sister Hazel - All for You
5. Rolling Stones - Paint it Black
6. Dave Matthews Band - Satellite
7. Kermit the Frog - Wild Thing
8. Jann Arden - Insensitive
9. Michael W. Smith - Song for Rich
10. John Mellancamp - I Saw You First
11. Pirates of Penzance - The Very Model of a Modern Major-General
12. Chicago - Overture and All that Jazz
13. Dire Straits - Love over Gold
14. Train - Drops of Jupiter
15. Dire Straits - Sultans of Swing


Yeah, I'm bored, what can I say? Weird that I got three Dire Straits songs - since I think I only have five of their songs on my computer!
- posted by L. @ 5:45 PM

 
I think hell IS freezing over!
So, I graduate from high school in 2001, and immediately afterwards, weird things start happening there. Well, maybe not immediately, but close enough. Spring of 2002, they put on Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (why not 2001? why?). Spring 2003, they put on Les Miserables (WHY NOT 2001??????). Granted, Candide was great fun (even though the oboe part SUCKED, and I was consequently faced with the decision of either being a-bored out of my mind in pit orchestra performances/rehearsals, b-dropping out altogether, or c-taking on a keyboard part. i opted for choice c - and that may or may not have been one of my smarter ideas!)...and I now have a greater love of the Voltaire novel, which I own two copies of and have read over and over again.
Anyway, in Shorewood recently, there have been two fires (see March 4 and Sept 22), with the latter being suspected to be an arson!?!?!?!?!?!? Huh????
http://www.jsonline.com/news/metro/oct04/263429.asp
And the story of all stories is the winning football record that they hold as of now!! HUH??????????????????????????
Forgive me if I'm in a minor state of shock, but PLEASE. When I was in high school we won two games - in four years. Yes, we won one game when I was a freshman, and another game when I was a senior. They won a game when I was in eighth grade as well, in 1996, and the last game they had won before that was in 1988. Yes, you read that correctly, 1988. So, after winning three games in my entire middle school/high school time, it's somewhat hard for me to believe that the team is now 4-2???????? Yeah, weird. I think hell is freezing over somewhere...
Maybe I will go to a game or something over fall break, because hey, who wouldn't want to see a team win? Or at least score. :)


Oh, and some loser left me a voice message in box two of my room phone!!! Hopefully it wasn't important!!! :)
- posted by L. @ 1:13 AM

 
Be gone! By way of delete option!
So the last three posts are now gone, because quite frankly I don't want to read them anymore. Things worked themselves out. After going to one of my favorite sources for relationship advice (my boss), the option that I had considered of going up to Appleton by borrowing Stephanie's car (because she rules like that!) seemed to be the best. By "accidentally" ending up at the boy's place of employment, I looked at computer games that I had absolutely no interest whatsoever in while I waited for him to finish helping the person he was with. We went over to look at, um, some computer stuff? a few aisles away from the other people in his department and talked. We decided to go out to dinner after he got off work, gave me his apt key and I went to his apt after going to the bank. After dinner, I had to head back to Ripon so Steph could have her car back, and he was going to his parents' house that night anyway. So it all worked out fine! Yay!
Anyway, so today was the uber-exciting homecoming game for the college. Yawn. After singing the national anthem with the Choraliers (go Choraliers!), Joe, Christina & I ditched out of the game. After realizing that neither one of us had anything to do (and Joe had a full tank of gas), we headed up to Appleton (second time in two days for me! heehee!) to go to World Market. I got one of those cool round tins of fruit candy form France or something that I absolutely love, and hadn't had in a while. They didn't have strawberry, which is my favorite, but they had raspberry, which is second best! After World Market, we decided that we would venture to Media Play, where I had been once with Andy and Joe had never been to. We spent a while browsing in DVDs (because who doesn't like a good movie??), and both of us trying to decide between two movies each. I was stuck trying to decide between Young Frankenstein and Airplane, both movies I absolutely LOVE but only have on VHS. I finally opted by random decision to pick Young Frankenstein, went up to the register, and the cashier informed me that since Young Frankenstein was 13.99, I could get a second 13.99 DVD for half off! And as Airplane just HAPPENED to be 13.99...oh, I couldn't pass it up. Darn.
Next, our task was to decide where to go for dinner. We thought about Olive Garden and Famous Dave's (both hella good), but I opted for a negative on Famous Dave's since I was there last week, and we were going to head to Olive Garden when I reminded Joe that you can't go to Olive Garden in Appleton if there's Victoria's as well...ahh yes.
Spent dinner reminiscing about all the weirdo things we did freshman year...*sniff* good times, good times...
Para-pa-legic.

- posted by L. @ 1:39 AM