Happy New Year!
Well, sort of. As of now, it's not exactly the new year, but it will be very soon. 2005 means college graduation! We won't start on that though. Plenty of time for worrying in the future. :)
Anywho...
It would seem that now would be a good time to reflect on 2004 as a whole, but I'm not sure if I can reflect on the whole year in less than about a million pages. So I will refrain. Notable moments (both good & bad) include, um....
*Being in charge of Delta Psi recruitment and getting six new girls for the house. :)
*Having to witness a sad deterioration of my grandparents over a very short period of time. :(
*Celebrating a year and a half of a relationship with Andy in March. :)
*Breaking up with Andy in April, at one of the worst parts of junior year of college. :(
*Now single, finding plenty of time with both the girls in my sorority, my music geek friends (namely Stephanie & Amanda, who gave me my home away from home), as well as some new friends - all of who have meant so much to me. :)
*The solution to all the problems? Run away from them. May 7 marked the day I got hired in Sandusky, Ohio. :)
*May 16 - graduation, one of the most bittersweet days I've ever had. Saying good-bye is not my forte, especially when saying good-bye to some meant not seeing for three months, six months, seven months, or haven't seen since. :) :(
*May 19 - the beginning of my problem-free existance in Sandusky! At least problem-free for a while. :)
*The summer made a bad start...I was lonely, I was working alone, I was stuck in a room with a roommate I loathed AND all of my friends that I had spent countless hours with were now, at best, nine or more hours away. :(
*Bad start didn't stay bad...got my store placement at Snoopy Boutique, and immediately bonded with some of the most awesome girls (and a few guys) ever: Megan, Themis, Kim, Kelly, Donna, Lida, Heather, Leopold, etc. :)
*Began to meet even more people in the middles area & we had a blast: Brandon, Jonathon, Kevin, Jason, Monica, Angie, etc. :)
*End of June - Andy came to visit me, and we got back together. :)
*Mid-July - really started to bond with the girls, had one of the greatest nights of CP ever with Megan, Donna & Chrystina, running around like chickens with our heads cut off in order to get to the train station on time! :)
*July 11 - my 21st birthday. Need I say more??? :)
*August - passed too damn quickly! Had lots of fun! :)
*August 20 - last day of work...very bittersweet. I knew I was going to miss all my new friends, but I wanted to get home, too. :) :(
*August 23 - well, I had survived my summer, but Ripon was not a welcome change. It took more than a little bit of adjusting to get used to being back in rural Wisconsin. :(
*First semester was, overall, not going the way I wanted it to. I had had such a blast at the end of the year, the drab days of hanging out with nobody were not very much fun. :(
*Fall break was a welcome change to the monotony of Ripon life...not that I did anything exciting, mind you. :)
*Got to see Sam Shaber at the end of October, AND got to talk to her and hang out with her. Does life get any better? :)
*Formal weekend...oh what to say? It was great? It sucked? Both would be right on target. Had so much fun with Beth, Dana & Matt on Friday night, stayed up too late for my own good, had a miserable day on Saturday, but sort-of had fun with Beth, Dana, Erin & Matt on Saturday night...but not really. :) :(
*November 30 - my semi-senior recital on piano...went infinitely better than expected, and I was extremely proud of myself. Hell, my recital even sort-of helped make amends with Calah! :)
*After the recital, things went semi-downhill again...lots of work, not lots of time, a research paper from hell, end-of-semester stress, ugh! :(
*Spent time with the old crew from last year though - Dana, Beth, Liz, Maureen & Matt...just like the end of last year! :)
*Christmas was good. Spent time with the Joe, the family, the boyfriend, all around a well-rounded affair. :)

So, overall, the year doesn't seem too bad in retrospect. Of course, a lot of the bad stuff I have imminently blocked out because who wants to remember the crap?? But I have had worse years, so this one can go down as one of the better.
Happy New Year!

- posted by L. @ 5:28 PM

 
Sorry, you have to starve, we rented a camel...
Okay, that's really not true, but it was just a minor amusement on Christmas Eve because St Robert's had a live nativity scene, including a camel (made me think of Dana!)...and Joe's response to that was "how much did that thing cost?? oh....it depleted the save the starving families budget." Okay, so it was funny at the time...who brings camels to suburban church nativity scenes??? Teehee.
ARGUH!
Had to get that out, just a bit frustrated for a minute. Just sick of stuff, that's all. I'm not going to elaborate anymore. Things have changed, that's all I'm going to say.
Well, it's almost 2005! Where's the excitement? I'm bored. Still bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored....
Megan told me yesterday in her voice mail (for all the ranting about how bored I am, I have been terrible at getting voice mail messages) that her memory book came! So where's mine?? Granted, I'm guessing Indiana is slightly closer to Ohio than Wisconsin, but still. I want MY memory book! Oh well, it'll be here soon. At least it better.
Going back to the voice mail thing, it's really not completely, 100% my fault, though. I think my voice mail was programmed wrong when I switched phone numbers. Now it fails to let me know of voice messages, and half the time, it doesn't register calls either. Or text messages. The latter of the two, however, mostly happens in Ripon. But there's nothing like getting a voice message at, like, 5pm on Wednesday that was left for me around noon on Tuesday asking if I wanted to go to lunch. Yeah. Effective. Or not. So if I don't call you back, it's probably because I didn't get your voice mail. Or my phone didn't register your call, so I didn't even check my voice mail. Hey, it's been known to happen.
I think everyone should go to Milwaukee during at least one point in their lives. Now's a great time to visit, for example, because I'm here, and I'm bored. I really hope I can come up with SOMETHING to do after the new year, because, yeah, I'm out of options soon. Rargh. I'm not ready to go back to school yet, though. I'm not ready to face the senior sem, and the senior recital, and all that jazz. I'm also not ready to start job-hunting either. I keep getting asked that! "What are you doing next year?" Good lord! Like I know what I'm doing next WEEK, much less next YEAR. :) Don't mention the future to me. It makes me depressed. Well, not really, but you know how it goes.
I guess it's that I can't really go to a new city or a new state. I'm kind of stuck in Milwaukee at least for a while. Don't get me wrong, I *heart* my city, but I kinda wanted to go somewhere else. Must stop stressing, at least for a while. It's not like whatever I do post-undergrad school will be permanent (unless I'm really lucky and find something fabulous, but since I hope to be a college professor, and need at least a masters....), but it's still kind of intimidating. Anyway, I'll leave the stressing for later.
Oh, and if you have ICQ, you should add me to your list. My number is listed, uh, somewhere in my profile, I think? It's depressing to see my list still more or less empty (has everyone given up on icq??)....especially with all the extra funny conversations we used to have on icq *sniff*....ah well, I don't even KNOW anyone else who has ICQ, so if you do, it'll be a surprise. Hehe.
Ummm...have a happy new year?? I think my sister is jealous because I get to leave town and she doesn't. Bwahahahahaha! That's the benefit of being the older child - and the child who's actually moved out of the house for longer than a month!
So everyone, have a happy new year. And consider Milwaukee for your tourist attraction sometime before Jan 16. Yeah. Okay.

- posted by L. @ 8:44 PM

 
Do you sell chicken here?? How about chicken flavored candy??
Chicken flavored candy...wa wa wa.
So! The first half of the holiday season is now over, finished, finito, DONE, and went off without a hitch. Despite the minor setback in lackage of Christmas cookies in our house (no, I don't usually search the fridge for cookie dough rolls, thanks Mom), there is enough food (TURKEY) to feed a small army (TURKEY). Needless to say, I made noodles for dinner (christmas-shaped noodles, no less) because I've eaten enough other food (TURKEY) that it's coming out of my ears (figure of speech, guys, figure of speech). I've been informed that I appear to have lost weight recently (must have been since getting home since until a few days ago, there hasn't been food in this house)....but I'm sure I've gained it back (ghirardelli chocolate and milk...), and if I haven't yet, I will. People don't know what to get me for Christmas these days...so I get one of two things: money and big boxes of chocolate (grandma!). Not that I'm complaining in the least...I can go out and get my own Christmas presents, which so far has been movies, and a long-sleeved tshirt that says MASH 4077th (YAY!).
That and I've spent enough time in church these past four days to tide me over for the next four months. I am never going to church again. Until probably Easter, or Palm Sunday or some big holiday or if I'm home and my parents drag me out of bed (though they have given that up recently, it's easier! hehe). Don't believe me? I have been to church every day for the past four days. ARGUH! For not being extremely religious (or really religious at all, as a matter of fact), that's a lot. I suppose it was Christmas for two of those days...ugh. Christmas Eve was a new endeavor, though, because I went to church with Joe, so that was fun/interesting. It further proves my theory that this whole denomination stuff is pointless, because if you boil it down, everything's the same, except for possibly atheism and buddhism and confucianism and jainism and stuff. I really didn't see much difference between my church (Lutheran) and Joe's church (Catholic). Like I explained it...
Katie: Why are we going to St. Sebastian's? What's the difference?
Me: Um, it's Catholic?
Yea, that more or less sums it up. That and it's bigger, and Tom Barrett was there. And they have a priest. Other than that, I didn't see much difference. Unfortunately, they didn't use the organ as much as Joe had hoped (as that's part of the reason we went with him in the first place), but eh, details, details. For the two carols they did play it, it was gorgeous. I wanna play an organ like that (I suppose I should continue to learn first, though. I do love my organ shoes though! yay pretty silver shoes!)! I really should learn the organ, that would be a good extracurricular job for post-college. I'm not coordinated enough to use both hands AND my feet when I play though....that's far too much thinking. Blah. That and the million different keyboards, and the whole pulling out stops thing and what you can mix and what you can't...it's enough to make a head explode. That and I complain incessantly about going to church anyway...
The past three days, however, I have been contributing to the service music, so I guess that's a viable reason to spend too much time at church. Christmas Day was somewhat of a nightmare, though, because everything I had to play was in the low register of my instrument, and my instrument was being tempermental (damn oboe!) and honking instead of being pretty (#&$#!)....which was incredibly frustrating. I did get to redeem myself in the last two days, because I got to play NOT LOW stuff, which was good. My reed only freaked out at me once, and that was today. So I was happy. The organ at my church is frightfully out of tune though, and combine that with the fact that I'm still adjusting to the tuning on my new oboe, especially when I play by myself. All in all, it was good practice for that (eep!) recital in, um, just over three months. So I shouldn't complain, not about the playing anyway. And I got to play pretty Bach (Cantata no 147, Wachet auf!), which is one of my favorites, Coventry Carol (thought of you, Kali!), and two gorgeous arrangements from the Carols for Oboe and Organ book that Professor Hughes lent me, so it was all good. I'd be a good soloist, if I had enough patience to practice. :)
Christmas! It was fun. I spent time with my crazy family, the entire family was there. Seriously, every single immediate family relative I have, I saw on Saturday. Both sets of grandparents, all three aunts, both uncles, and all five of my cousins. And my parents and sister. Which isn't that bad, but we had Christmas at my grandma's house, so ugh! Cramped! Not enough space for everyone. I spent too much time sitting at the dining room table because there was nowhere else to sit, and consequently ate far too much food (it was there!). Then I got home and my parents have made a turkey (hence, why it's coming out of our ears at home!), but my grandma had made turkey and ham. I don't like ham....needless to say I have eaten too much turkey since Saturday.
Got Shrek 2, which is both funny and good, since I got it for my parents for Christmas too. I guess I'm not going to have to come up with an elaborate plan to steal theirs before going back to school afterall. I might want to get Shrek at some point...I KNOW I won't be able to steal that one from home! (I somehow was successful in stealing it for an entire semester last year...craaaaaazy). Like I said, though, getting money for Christmas leads to buying my own Christmas presents. I wasn't going to do it the day after Christmas, but I was out at Best Buy on Hwy 100, and found Indian Summer (agh! one of my favorite movies ever! yay!), and Amelie (one of the cutest and funniest and best movies ever that i've only seen like once, but loved, and yay! had to get it...such a great movie), so whoops, there goes that intention of not getting anything the day after Christmas. Watched Indian Summer today, I just love that movie. Even though I laugh hysterically at the great fashion sense of 1993, I just love it. It reminds me of my days at camp, and makes me wonder what a camp reunion would be like. It's not like we ever caused trouble there....nooooooooo....(TPing! and saran wrapping beds, and putting mattresses on the roof, and putting a canoe in a cabin...and meddling in the love affairs of 6th graders. Yes, camp was fun).
Oh! Speaking of camp, I saw my friend Eva today. So I know she's still alive, which is good. Haven't seen her since about two months after graduation (July? 2001), and haven't talked to her in about, um, well, almost three years now (Jan? 2002. yikes). Not that I talked to her tonight, but I saw her at church, so my chances of seeing her again are greater. So that's good.
I'm about to go crazy, though! Seriously!!!!!! How does one function living at home?? My parents are driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!! I have absolutely nothing to do, nowhere to go, someone is ALWAYS at home, so it's not like I even have quality peace and solitude...noooooo! Tomorrow I might drive over to either Barnes & Noble, or Schwartz's or maybe Borders (but I don't have a gift certificate for there, and the other two bookstores I have gift certificates for...so I should probably head there last) just to find something to read. That or the library. My grandma gave me some books to read, but I started one of them (the first in the series) and it was painfully boring. So I'm giving it up for now, unless I get extremely bored. Ha, cause that's not going to happen....
That and I think it's just the fact that I have now been at home for a week and four days or something, and I haven't spent this much consecutive time at home since LAST JANUARY. I don't think I even spent this much time at home ALL SUMMER. I spent three days at home in May, four days in July, and four days in August. So, no. I haven't spent this much time at home at once since LAST YEAR! ARGUHHHHHHHH! I hope I never have to spend this much time at home ever again.
Well, at least I get to spend some oh-so-fun time with my parents on Wednesday night...we're going out to dinner with one of their friends, but hopefully at least one of her kids will be coming along. We all kinda grew up together, and we're sort-of around the same age (they're 22 and 24), not to mention I haven't seen either of them in ages...so it'll be fun. We're going to Hooligan's for dinner, and Von Trier's for drinks. Drinks! It's still weird to drink around my parents....
So I might have a roommate for next year...MY SISTER. Could be interesting...but I could definitely live with her. I've had little more than a piece of styrofoam separating my room from hers for the last eight years or something (before that it was a curtain. Yes, a flimsy piece of fabric. That's it), so if we had a two-bedroom apartment...complete with DOORS, I think that'd be even better. Hooray for that! So, yay for having a potential roommate. She's not a big partyer, she'll probably be at her boyfriend's a lot, and cripes, we're sisters. I think we're long past the point of killing each other. Besides, she'll be in college, and I won't be, so I doubt we'd see much of each other anyway. And I get along better with her than anyone else in the family.
Speaking of my sister, she wants me to go shopping with her in Chicago. I'm broke, but we'll see. I definitely need some new winter clothes, so, maybe it would be a worthwhile investment.
Uff! Had a lot to say! But I'm going to go to bed now. Yay sleep! :)

- posted by L. @ 1:18 AM

 
Congratulations!!
I know I said I probably wasn't going to post again, but I forgot:
Congratulations Leahann and Justin (12/26/2004)!!!!!!!
Marks a monumental day - the first of my friends (that are MY age) to tie the knot!! *sniff, sniff* I'm so happy for them both, though!!!! And who wouldn't want to go to Hawaii this Monday??? :)

- posted by L. @ 9:17 PM

 
Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year! Or something.
As promised, happiness is found in Christmas specials, and Christmas special quotes. What's my favorite Christmas special??? Yeah, couldn't tell you. I like pretty much all of them. Except for I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown, which I was unlucky enough to watch. Rerun is possibly the dumbest and most obnoxious Peanuts character of all time, so I think they should do us all a favor and eliminate him (Rerun Got Run Over by a Car, Charlie Brown). Anyway, moving on to happier thoughts...

Gonzo: Hello! Welcome to the Muppet Christmas Carol! I am here to tell the story!
Rizzo: And I am here for the food.
Gonzo: My name is Charles Dickens!
Rizzo: And my name is Rizzo the Rat...hey, wait a second. You're not Charles Dickens.
Gonzo: I am too!
Rizzo: No, a blue furry Charles Dickens who hangs out with a rat?
Gonzo: Absolutely!
Rizzo: Charles Dickens was a 19th century novelist...a genius!
Gonzo: Oh, you're too kind.
Rizzo: Why should I believe you??
Gonzo: Well because I know the story of a Christmas Carol like the back of my hand.
Rizzo: Prove it.
Gonzo: Alright, there's a little mole on my thumb, and a scar on my wrist from when I fell of my bicycle...
Rizzo: No, no, don't tell us your hand. Tell us the story!
Gonzo: Oh! The Marleys were dead, to begin with.
Rizzo: Pardon?
Gonzo: That's how the story begins, Rizzo! The Marleys were dead to begin with!
Rizzo: Ohhhh.
--Muppet Christmas Carol

Rex: Themeatically speaking, we'll be looking at Christmas carols as they relate to specific traditions of...
Herb: Yeah! Songs of Christmas trees & sacks of gifts, reindeer & jingling bells, holiday ballet, Santa Claus, universal joy and Christmas Snacks!
Rex: There is NOT a carol about snacks!
--Claymation Christmas

Jon: Hey, Dad?
Doc Boy: Hey, psst. Dad? You awake? DAD, YOU AWAKE?
Dad: I'm awake now. What do you buys want?
Jon: Is it time to open our presents yet?
Dad: It's 1:30 in the morning. No, it's not time to open presents yet!
Doc Boy: It IS Christmas morning now, you know.
Jon: Doc Boy has a point there, Dad. Any time after midnight is technically Christmas morning, you know.
Dad: GO TO BED!
Doc Boc: Alright. Pleasant dreams, DAD. It IS Christmas morning, you know.
Jon: I know that and you know that.
--A Garfield Christmas Special

Charlie Brown: Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?
--A Charlie Brown Christmas

Sam Eagle: You will now go forth into the world of BUSINESS. You will love BUSINESS. It is the American way...
Gonzo: *whispers into Sam's ear...*
Sam Eagle: Oh. It is the BRITISH way...
--Muppet Christmas Carol

Sam Eagle: And soon your life will be as solid as this very building!
**shelf collapses, statues, Gonzo & Rizzo go toppling to the floor**
Sam Eagle: Hmm. I've been meaning to fix that shelf.
--Muppet Christmas Carol

Here we come a waffle-ing among the leaves so green! Here we come a waffle-ing so fair to be seen. Love and joy come to you, and to you your waffle too! And God bless you and send you a happy new year...
--Claymation Christmas

Mom: And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for Dad to read us our Christmas story.
Boys: Yay!!!
Mom: Which is entitled...
Mom & Boys: Binky...the Clown who saved Christmas.
--A Garfield Christmas Special

Schroeder: Here's the music I picked out for the Christmas play.
**plays Fur Elise**
Lucy: What kind of Christmas music is that??
Schroeder: Beethoven Christmas music!
Lucy: What's so great about Beethoven? Everyone talks about how "great" Beethoven was. Beethoven wasn't so great.
Scroeder: What do you mean, Beethoven wasn't so great??
Lucy: He never got his picture on bubblegum card. Have you ever seen his picture on a bubblegum card? Hmm?? How can you say someone is great if they've never had their picture on a bubblegum card?
Scroeder: Good grief.
--A Charlie Brown Christmas

Rizzo (after falling into the chimney): Hey! I'm stuck! Get me outta here!
Gonzo: I knew you weren't suited for literature!
--Muppet Christmas Carol

Rizzo: Oh, I fell down the chimney and landed on a flaming, hot goose!
Gonzo: You have all the fun.
--Muppet Christmas Carol

Garfield: Whoever invented Christmas trees should be drug out into the street and shot.
--A Garfield Christmas Special

Peppermint Patty: Why do they have to spoil Christmas by making us be in plays???
--It's Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown!

Jon: Garfield, I have a very important job for you. It's a dangerous job, but if you succeed, you'll be a hero. I want you to take this star up the tree and place it on the top.
Garfield: Climbing trees is my life, Sir. If I'm not back in an hour, send a banana cream pie after me. This should be a piece of cake. Never send a man to do a cat's job.
--A Garfield Christmas Special

Lucy: Ugh! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get some hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!
Snoopy: Blaaaaaaahhhhhhh.
--A Charlie Brown Christmas

Rizzo: I don't think I can watch anymore.
Gonzo: Well, when you're right, you're right.
**turns to audience**
Gonzo: You're on your own folks, we'll see you at the finale.
--Muppet Christmas Carol

Marcy: And there were in the same country...
Peppermint Patty (as a sheep): Woof, meow, moo! Whatever.
**Marcy drags her off-stage**
Peppermint Patty: And a partridge in a pear tree....
--It's Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown!

Herb: Besides Rex, what could be more Christmas-y than a huge stack of syrup drenched waffles?
Rex: As usual Herb, history takes a back seat to your stomach!
--Claymation Christmas

Sally: Hockey stick!
Linus & Charlie Brown: Hockey stick?
**later**
Sally: I said hockey stick! Why did I say hockey stick? All I had to do was say Hark, and I said hockey stick!
--It's Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown

Garfield: Alright folks, just permit me one sentimental moment. Christmas. It's not the giving. It's not the getting. It's the loving. There. I said it. Now get outta here.
--A Garfield Christmas Special

Tiny Tim: God bless us, every one!
--Muppet Christmas Carol

Lucy: What a tree!!
*everyone laughs*
Charlie Brown: Rats!! I guess you were right Linus. I shouldn't have picked this little tree. Everything I do turns into a disaster. I guess I just don't know what Christmas is all about. Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about??
Linus: Sure Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about....Lights please. "And there were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them 'Fear not. For behold I bring you tiding of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you. You shall find the babe, wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly host, evermore praising God, and saying 'Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth, peace, goodwill towards men.'" That's what Christmas is all about Charlie Brown.
--A Charlie Brown Christmas

Well, there you have it. My favorite Christmas specials/movies, all wrapped into one condensed version. Hope you enjoyed, have a happy holidays! :)

- posted by L. @ 3:26 PM

 
Well, I did it again....
Yes, that's right...I somehow managed to pull above a 3.0 this semester. A 3.11, to be precise. How?? Yeah, you got me. I didn't do jack schitt. But somehow, getting 4 credits of A's worked to my advantage, along with a C+ in Chem (WOOHOO! I GOT A C+! WOOHOO!! YAY! It's better than my high school chem grade of a D-. Yes, a D-minus. Don't ask. I'm still bitter about it), and B in Immigration history. The history grade is what has me baffled (don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining). By all of my calculations, I should not have gotten a B. Hell, I only got one grade in the class that was a B! I skipped at least five classes (unexcused, for the reasoning of I don't feel like going, I didn't do the reading, or just sleeping through class), got a B-/C+ on my research paper, got a C+ on the progress of my research paper (which is funny, since there WAS NO PROGRESS!), a C on my take-home exam, and a B my other paper, not to mention doing about a third of the reading the entire semester, not getting the first textbook until we were more or less done with it, and not even buying one of the books!! So, how that figures out to be a B, I'm not sure, but I'll take it. I'm just waiting for the 'oops, we goofed' from the registrar like they sent me this summer!!! That was mean. Granted, I knew they had made a mistake, but still! Why did they have to fix it?? I liked my GPA the way it was before they realized they had made a mistake, since it dropped a few tenths after that. Or a lot of tenths. Whatever. :)
Either way, I'm not sure how I pulled that GPA. Like my dad said, maybe I should consider a career in investing, afterall, I put a lot of bullshit and less than stellar work into the class, and come out with a good grade. Maybe I can do the same in investing....
Speaking of careers...anyone got a clue what I should do in, oh, five months? Yes? Okay great, let me know. Or where I should live? Or what I should do???? Arguh! If I have to spend any time living at home, I'll go even more crazy!!! Hopefully I'll be able to land at least a partial job teaching some sort of private lessons...I'm banking on a continuing shortage of piano teachers! Not that I'm much use in that category...but oh well. :)
I still have this dratted ear infection, but as usual, not having a doctor tends to put a damper on getting it taken care of. Of course I get it when I'm at home, too. At school I could take my lazy butt to the nurse, but here? Noooooooooooooo. Sigh. I should also get my Christmas shopping done. A negative balance in my checking account could make that difficult, though. Well, I'm pretty much done.
That and my New Year's plans may have gone suddenly awry. Not that New Year's plans are the only things going awry, but at lot of other things. Holiday seasons cause so much damn stress!
On the bright side, I found my quote book from sophomore year. It made me laugh, though I can't remember what all the quotes relate to? Orgasm and a side of fries, anyone??? (huh...wonder what idiot said THAT...oh damn....). And speaking of more amusing things, my message history on ICQ is making me laugh too. Oh the conversations I used to have with Tara and Paul (Wilbur!) and Matt H (roommate's boyfriend's best friend that they tried to set me up with who was afraid of girls....)....if ICQ message archives are amusing me this much, maybe it's time to take up a new hobby!
Tomorrow (well, actually, looking at the time and date, I guess I mean later today), I will try to be as un-Scroogelike as possible, in posting my happiness found in Christmas specials and movies.
Until then, here's hoping the ear infection miraculously disappears, because I reeeeeeeeeeeeally hate antibiotics. :)

- posted by L. @ 1:35 AM

 
Death to cell phones!
Okay, maybe not death to ALL cell phones, or even the cell phone itself, but once again, DEATH TO AT&T!!! I know that I am told that I only curse AT&T because I've never had Sprint...but still! DEATH TO AT&T! I can't keep paying a million dollar phone bills - especially when I'm not sure why I'm paying a million dollars to the phone company and I get no explanation. As soon as I regain some sort of voice, I am going to call them back and yell at them, but right now when I haven't got much of a voice, that's kind of hard.
Oh, yeah, and I think I have an ear infection. Theory goes I got the ear infection from a sinus infection. I have no doctor as of now because of the insurance switch in, um, I dunno, a long time ago? So that might need to be remedied, as I'm long overdue to go to the doctor anyway. And I better go now, while I still have insurance! :) Either way, I dread going to the doctor to have my ears looked at. The mere mention of the ear makes me sick. Bah humbug, my cell phone provider makes me mad. Can't wait till Juuuuuuuuuuulllllllllllly! Damn two-year contracts. I thought it would be good to have the same cell phone for the remainder of college. Bad idea. Bad, bad idea. I wonder if they'll let me out of my contract if I get mad enough...hmmm...:)
It's almost Christmas! Sure doesn't seem like it. Except for the temperature. While it stinks that it's cold, it IS Wisconsin afterall, and it IS December. Besides, I can't complain. I don't have to walk to Rodman anymore. Wheeeeeeeeee!!! At least not till January. And I had forgotten my hat at home after Thanksgiving, so my ears would have gotten very cold if I had to be walking to Rodman now. So mwa! There's one reason I'm happy it's winter break. That may be the only reason, however. :) I haven't spent this much time at home since winter break LAST YEAR! It was a glorious summer being far away from home....
I do have ICQ again. At least for a month. Yay! Woot! Happiness. Okay, it's really not that exciting, but I don't have much to get excited about. So there's excitement. I put my ICQ number somewhere for you to find if you want it. But if not, no big deal. I'm sure everyone has forgotten I even have ICQ to begin with...:)
Anyway, back to being bored. It's not like I have much to talk about anyway. Wheeeeeeee!

- posted by L. @ 6:23 PM

 
I'm so bored I don't even have anything interesting to complain about....
I'm bored. I'm so bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. I didn't realize how much was at my fingertips just by being at school. Unlimited, unchallenged access to a computer (with high-speed internet, not this dialup bullshit), a TV, a DVD player, food and soda that I actually want to eat/drink (rather than this health food or diet shit), a door to my space, uff. I could probably go on and on.
I set out with the idea of going to bed late and getting up even later. What I didn't bargain on is my sister. For those of you who don't know/don't care/have never seen my house/have never had my house explained to you, I will do so now. I live in a converted duplex. This is basically a fancy way of saying that our two-floor house usually contains a two-bedroom flat on the first floor, and a one-bedroom flat on the second floor, but in actuality, due to space confinements, my parents decided to take over the house 14 years ago so that we all could have our own space. That means we have to go out into the back hall to go upstairs. Despite this minor setback, it is probably one of the best ideas they've ever had, because looking around the now-computer room, which used to be the bedroom that my sister & I shared, we wouldn't have lasted too much longer sharing this room. Anyway, living in the coverted duplex has been great, but it also has had its drawbacks. The positive? My room is biggest room on the 2nd floor, and it's a lot bigger than a lot of other people's bedrooms, and has lots of windows (= lots of sunlight).The negative? There is no door. Yes, that's right, no door. It's what would be the 'living room' if it were being rented, so there's no door. To make matters worse, there's a big open doorway (I guess you could call it that) leading....to my sister's room. We've tried to remedy this, but the best we've come up with is a curtain and a big ol' piece of styrofoam (classy, i know). Going from having my own room this whole semester and last semester (with a door!), this has not been so much fun. This is not so bad, except when I wake up because my sister is talking on the phone at 9 in the morning. Granted, she's in her own room, but it's not like that makes a difference. ARGUH! I'm trying to sleep, but all I can hear is her side of the conversation. The only solution is plugging my ears, which gets uncomfortable after about a minute. Luckily the conversation only ensued for 10 minutes....
Ah! Finally. Blissful slumber. For another hour, until conversation number 2 takes place at 10:15. ARGUH!!! And that one lasted even longer! For the next month I can only hope that my sister's work hours are early and long...
Let's see....anything else of note? Not really. I didn't do anything all day. I don't plan on doing anything all day tomorrow. I am dreading the sending of my report card to my house. I don't want to finish Christmas shopping. I have no idea what to get the remaining people on my Christmas list. Is it time to go back to school yet?? :)

- posted by L. @ 10:06 PM

 
Semester done! Finished! Finito! Over! YAY!
YAY! The semester is over! After spending my last night of a fall semester as an undergraduate (hopefully) without sleeping, I'm now off to the grand land of Milwaukee with no real plans for the entire winter break (any ideas???? please??? please???) except for maybe looking at a grad school in Minneapolis as well as visiting Lizzie in Eagan (yay Lizzie!), and possibly visiting Beth & Dana in Ripon! Hooray!!! Other than that my plans don't include much. Oh well.
So if you're in the Milwaukee area anytime between tomorrow and January 15 (or whatever), you best be giving me a call because I'll be bored! Very, very, very VERY bored! So come visit! Come hang out! Milwaukee is a kick ass town, really! Especially if you're over 21...so I hear. :)
Anyway, yay to being done!!!!
Off I go to my favoritest city ever - yay Milwaukee!!!! :-)
- posted by L. @ 5:50 PM

 
ihatechemistryihatechemistryihatechemistryihatechemistry...did i mention ihatechemistry???
It's not hatred of chemistry so much as it's LACK OF MOTIVATION TO DO THIS SHIT! For once I somewhat set out to do this early(-ish), but faiiiiiiiiiiiiled at that (temporary case of death!). I have one page of one question done! Sweet! Only seven (or more) questions to go - wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Each one should be about 1.5 pages anyway. Damn. So I'm not even done with a question. My day started out productively. Sort-of. I went to take my exam at 8:20 (it started at 8, but that was okay - he told us we could come to the exam anytime we wanted as long as we didn't stay after 11:30, which I had no intentions whatsoever of doing), finished by 10:20 (yay!). Came back here, opened my chemistry book, shut my chemistry book, opened the book again, shut the book again (repeat process numerous times until finally saying 'fuck it' and going to take a nap). Goal time to wake up from nap - 2:30. Actual time of waking up from nap - 3:35. Whoooooooooops. Threw on a pair of jeans (while pajama pants are way more comfy...this is wisconsin and december, and it's COLD out there), went down to Rodman. Did work for orchestra director (yay), discovered not all the parts were there, emailed orchestra director about not having all the parts, orchestra director emailed me back to say that we would ask for an extension to send back all the music (i think it's kind of dumb, being that there are only two parts missing, and it's not like they don't already have enough, but whatever) and that she needs to 'talk to me about it' come January, more specifically Jan 20, and would I be free? Um. Yeah. Cause I know exactly what I'm doing tomorrow, much less Jan 20. Besides 'talking to me' will probably be lecturing me on my irresponsibility in getting the music together, when clearly, I don't read minds. If you want me to collect the music after the concert, you need to like, tell me these things. Once again I lament the departure of Professor Alexander, who always told me everything - and most likely more than once. Of course, it could be because we were having an affair...JUST KIDDING. Either way, upon that lecture I will boldly tell her that she should have told me this in the first place, and that I don't read minds, and that because of that I am no longer going to be her orchestra librarian and will not even be a member of the orchestra...OR I'll probably agree with everything she says, and quit anyway. But not till later.
Anyway, so after the orchestra music shit, I set out to do some of the chemistry, but failed at that. I taught my lesson at 5:30, then finished at 6:00, then sat down to write chemistry again...
***side note: ooh! garfield & friends is on! yay!***
By 6:30, however, nothing had been accomplished, and by 7:00, both Stephanie and Amanda had come down to the resource center, and later Chris. They were all studying for Styles, and then around 8:00 or so, Amanda & I headed back up the hill (by this time, I had my page written). But not until Chris and I had sort-of started planning where/when we were going to take Steph out for her 21st!! YAY!!! I can't wait! I hope we're going downtown Milwaukee because I haven't been downtown Milwaukee since before I turned 21...(without a designated on my 21st, we were slightly limited in our bars, but it was okay, 'cause it's in July)!
Since coming up to my room a little after 8, I have watched A Charlie Brown Christmas twice, It's Christmas Time Again Charlie Brown twice, sort-of helped Amanda with some Styles stuff, fought with and swore at my CD burner, and talked on the phone. Oh, and played games online (but it was one called Give Bush a Brain!!! who wouldn't want to play that????), and re-written my AIM profile.
***side note #2: i re-wrote my aim profile to have only quotes from a Charlie Brown Christmas, giving it careful consideration, and after I wrote them all down and whatnot, I discovered that ALL of my quotes are also featured in the previews on Peanuts specials describing Peanuts specials. And it didn't take much thinking time to realize all of that. Yup, I'm a really big nerd. That or I just spent THREE MONTHS watching nothing but Peanuts specials. Yikes.***
Ack, now it's getting to be late. I probably should get back to that Chemistry. Bah! Oh well. Procrastination gets stuff done! I just hope my chemistry professor doesn't read them and think "wow, these sound like they were written the night before they were due at the wee hours of the morning..."
Down with Chemistry!!!
But I'm just that much closer to being DONE!!! DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!
And I fixed my broken remote today. I somehow knocked it off my bed and sent it flying the other day, but alas, it was dark in my room, and I didn't find the back of the remote until a couple days ago, and then just kept forgetting to piece it back together until today. So now my remote is fixed! Hooray! Not that it really matters...it was fully functional without the piece that holds the batteries in. Oh well. I'm easily amused. Yay! I fixed my remote! I fixed my remote!
Okay....I need to work on this chemistry. And get a minute amount of sleep so that I can take that exam OF DOOM tomorrow. I can't WAIT till finals are OVER!
- posted by L. @ 1:50 AM

 
So close I can practically taste the freedom!!
I swear, tonight I am going to pass out and die. Probably from exhaustion, not anything else. I went to bed early-ish last night, but couldn't sleep. So I bummed around some more, watched some TV, went to bed. Woke up again around 3:45 because my alarm clock is on CRACK and decided to go off. I don't know why. Being that I'm completely congested (sniffle, sniffle, snort, honk), it takes forever and a half to go back to sleep, so I got up (hoping that gravity would intervene and my head would clear up. no such luck), and discovered that my computer had shut itself down or something (and restarted). At first I thought that only AIM had shut down, but my messages from Kali and Paul were nowhere to be found...saaaaaaad! Needless to say, it was a fairly sleepless night. Blah! Got up without any intention of making it to the exam on time. Then again I didn't forsee myself spending 3.5 hours on said exam, and we were allowed to stay until 11:30 if we wanted...so I strolled in at 8:20 and was done in two hours. Hooray for me!!! I got my paper (OF DOOM) back, and I got a B-/C+. Usually I set higher expectations for myself, but right now I DON'T CARE!! :) I was just glad to have gotten that grade!!! So, I'm hoping for a B- in the class. I think I did fairly decently on the exam - at least I hope so. I did know my stuff AND I didn't study at all. Unfortunately, exam #2 is not going to be the same, I'm actually going to have to study tonight (maybe at Beth & Dana's - depending on what they have going/whether they want me to come over if I'm sick & dying) because it's chemistry, and I stink at chemistry. And I know I CAN cram in all the stuff for chemistry where I couldn't have done that with history. I'll have forgotten it by tomorrow night, but eh, it happens. If chemistry ever becomes an essential part of my life, I'll let you know. ;) Besides, I do (sort-of) have my attendance grade in my favor (well, except for last tuesday, when matt called and i opted to skip out to hang out with my friends and didn't give my professor an excuse, but that's probably good because my excuse would have been something along the lines of 'i'm a senior and i don't care about class anymore, therefore i'm not going to class today.' and that probably wouldn't have gone over so well...).
This whole tylenol flu thing is not going over so well. Last year it made me act stupid. But it was kinda fun. But kinda not at the same time. Tylenol flu is not sitting so well with me these days. And I never want to drink Tropicana Grovestand orange juice again. Well, at least not for a while. We'll just leave it at that...
Anyway, I do have things to do this afternoon, but why do now what I can do later? I don't have anything until 1:00 tomorrow, afterall, so I can stay up later, and sleep later! Or now. Naptime!
Almost done with first semester! Yikes! ONLY ONE LEFT!! WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
- posted by L. @ 10:46 AM

 
Aha! I'm allergic to finals!
I think I have it all figured out! I'm allergic to finals! This isn't a cold - it's an allergic reaction to finals week! This happened last year too! (and probably countless other times that I just can't remember)! So my illness should, by all calculations, be gone no later than 4pm on Friday. *crosses fingers*
At least I hope so.
I have done absolutely nothing besides sit on the couch for the past two days. I've watched movies, TV, and even TV series on DVDs. Since yesterday, I have watched the entire season two of Garfield and Friends (except for a few episodes I slept through). An entire season in two days. Yikes. I also watched Home Alone, Fahrenheit 9/11, Garfield holiday specials, and some random TV shoes (including I Love the 70s: 1975, and I Love the 80s: 1985). My existance has been pathetic!
Unfortunately, sitting on my butt on the couch all day didn't get my chemistry take-home final done. Or my History 264 studying either. My feelings on the history final, however, is that if I don't know the stuff by now, I'm not going to know it. Maybe I'll glance over some stuff later tonight. I haven't taken the Tylenol Flu nighttime yet for a reason...
In the meantime, I still feel like dying. Who remembers how much a friggin cold (excuse me, allergic reaction to finals) will wipe a person out? It has only been since 8pm that I have stayed off the couch for longer than 5 minutes to get something to drink or something. Gooooooood thing I didn't have any finals before tomorrow. I'm going to have to crack down and WORK tomorrow. Boo to that. Who wants to actually do WORK? Wellllllll...
Not me, anyway. Though hopefully those stupid take-home questions will not be hard. I'm just hoping they'll be a lot of busywork rather than actually being hard. My brain isn't working, it's too doped up on meds.
Anyway, off to hit the shower, maybe glance at my history notes, and then take the tylenol flu nighttime and pass out. And hopefully not sleep through my alarm, because that would be very bad.
- posted by L. @ 11:04 PM

 
Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
My existance since Sunday has sucked. A lot. I spend the entire semester running away from any form of sickness...until Sunday. BAM! Why must death strike in the form of the common cold??? There was a question posed in survey once that asked whether you would prefer to get a sore throat or an upset stomach? I think I must be one of the few strange ones that actually prefers an upset stomach. Because those usually go away after a while!! Unlike this sore throat that has been around since Sunday (damnit, it's only Tuesday), and just keeps getting worse. I'm sure you all wanted to know all these details about how I'm sick. Blegh. So far, I should be doing some reading for History (studying, you know), but so far I've only been able to motivate myself to look at the books. Remember last week when I was saying how I wished I'd had somewhere fun to go?? Good thing I didn't! I'm sure that if I had driven hours to see people, they would have wanted me to do something other than sleep!!! :)
I'm listening to 'Last Christmas' right now...which makes me think of how Christmas music always gets overplayed and I want to eat my head (gina!). I was sitting at the Borders in Fox Point last year (okay standing), waiting to check out with someone's Christmas present (before I went crazy and bought too many books!), and I heard that song. Then, two minutes later, I went out to my car and turned it on and heard that song AGAIN. Yeah. Mini-stupid-story that I'm sure you didn't really want to know.
If I keep feeling like this, it's going to be a bitch to get up for that 8am final on thursday. I wonder if I still have any Tylenol Flu...that super heavy-duty stuff that makes me feel like I'm high off multiple substances. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Christmas shopping!
Agh!
I hate it.
Despite my illness (i was in denial) yesterday, I braved the mall. Bad idea, Lauren. Christmas shopping is bad. I did get most of my cousin's present, and I just have to get a few more little things for her, woohoo! One person is done. And my parents are done. And the boy is done. And one of my grandparents is done. I have no idea what to get my sister, or my other grandparents. Or anyone else. But I did figure out what to get all of my friends on campus and such. Yay!
So hopefully when I get back to Milwaukee this weekend (gahhhhhhhhhh), it will not be hard to spend minimal time at the stores, getting the rest of my christmas shopping done.
I figured out what it is that I am going to do after the holiday hoopla is done. Uno - I want to go to the frozen tundra that is northwest called Minnesota, visit Lizzie, and look at grad school. Dos - I'm going to read a lot. I never read except on breaks. Three (not sure how to spell three in spanish) - I'm probably going to watch a lot of movies and eat a lot of food. Hmm. Winter break is shaping up to be 'not-so-bad.' At least in writing, anyway!!
Back to the couch, to maybe drink some tea (and burn my tongue because I ALWAYS do), and pretend to study, but just end up watching some movies. Bah humbug to the sick gods!!! :)
Paul- you should send your virtual chicken noodle soup again :)

- posted by L. @ 1:55 PM

 
If he had a brain, he'd be dangerous.
Once again, five points to identify the title quote! Nobody picked on the bait on the last one though either...
I've decided I want to go to either Denmark or Scotland. At some point. Can't decide when. Or who I'll go with. Or if I want to go with anyone at all. I think it might be fun to go with someone I don't know very well so I'd have a travel buddy, but then wouldn't feel obligated to hang out with. I'm sure that unless you're a serious geek, you probably wouldn't want to go to a foreign country with me :)
Anyway, everything is done until Thursday! Hooray! If only I had fun things to do until then...
In the meantime, chemistry and immigration history are my primary focuses! That, or movies. Most likely the latter.
So, anyone wanna go to Europe with me?? :)
- posted by L. @ 1:08 PM

 
What scenery? I think someone turned the lights out. In fact, I'd go so far as to say things can't get worse than...I gotta quit saying that!
Five points if you can identify the title quote. :)
It's been a somewhat uneventful week in my world. After the excitement on Tuesday, life has died down to a boring crawl. But that's to be expected the week before finals. And juries. Blegh.
No classes today! Hooray! However, for those of you who are jealous, don't be. I have things all afternoon today, and all morning (what? morning? it's saturday!) tomorrow! Can't wait till tomorrow night...
Why can't I wait till tomorrow night?
Today:
2-2:30: rehearse with austin, nothing like last minute jury rehearsal. perhaps i should consider practicing the other piece i have for juries. nahhh.
2:45ish: go to the bank to switch over the panhel checkbook.
3:30ish: back to rodman (i'm a human yo-yo!) to do some more last minute jury practice (maybe travis & i should meet....)
4:30-5:20: choraliers fun! no.
7:00: collegium concert. yay.
after that...sleep! or find people to stay up till 6am with. nah, i think i'm going to pass on that, only because i'm dead tired. :)

Tomorrow:
8:00: down to rodman! nothing like getting it in early. boooooooooooo. and maybe going to breakfast. do they even have breakfast on saturday??? mmmm, french toast. but that means getting up at the butt-crack of dawn. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
9:30-10:30: sleep...green room or resource center?? must remember to bring blanket. :)
11:00: oboe jury. wish me luck. bah. :)
sometime after that: jury for travis.
3:30: choraliers! yay! fun! yay!
4:00: heidel house! will try to not be a group of clowns, and i think i'll try to not have to half-strip in the parking lot. that was kinda dicey. but then again, i have like, 42 singles in my drawer, so what does that say?? (it's caroling money! i swear!)
after that: dinner! yay! gooseblind fun!

Yeah, there's my next two days. I can't wait till it's over!!!!
Then I have nothing until next Thursday at 8am!! Too bad I didn't have something exciting to do, the idea of a road trip was suggested to me! If I had a car...but where would I go anyway? Oh well.
In celebration of having nothing really to do last night, I spent far too much time getting into the season with Christmas movies. But it's so much fun! I have Muppet Family Christmas, A Christmas Carol (with George C Scott), Claymation Christmas, Muppet Christmas Carol, Garfield's Christmas Special, A Charlie Brown Christmas, and It's Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown. Yes, I am a very big dork when it comes to Christmas cheer in the form of movies and TV specials. Whatever happened to Claymation Christmas?? That's like, my favorite! They really need to re-release that one or something!!!!
Kali is going to teach me how to circular knit tomorrow on the circular needle she was awesome enough to get for me!! (Harry Potter scarf! Harry Potter scarf!) I'm also almost done with the pink and blue scarf I've been working on since sometime in 2002. Yay me!
(Watching Claymation Christmas again - giggle)
Blah de blah, it's now almost 6:30 (i love the 'save as draft' feature.)
Went out for fries with Joe, now going to have pizza with Stephanie & Margaret during the Collegium concert, and then watch Dogma with Steph later! Woohoo! It's an exciting day! Or night. But I have to be up too-fucking-early tomorrow morning. Do they really have breakfast on Saturdays?? I'm going to need my caffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeine! :)
I'm sleeping till 3pm on Sunday, don't plan on waking me. ;)
Gave Stephanie her fun fun present today...it was even gift-wrapped and had a pretty bow (that i accidentally sort-of smashed carrying it down to rodman along with my sandwich and the umbrella) and a note. Who would have thought it would be hard to gift-wrap a BRICK??? Uh, yeah. It's not easy. At least I had troubles with it. Maybe it's just me. There's green and silver wrapping paper all over my room. Upon seeing the final wrapped brick, it looked not as good, so I stole the silver ribbon leftover on the wall outside my door (yea leftovers from formal decorations! woohoo!). And Stephanie loved the brick. She took it to class and everything!! Everyone else was somewhat baffled that I would give her a brick AND gift-wrap it, but hey, I understood, Steph understood, and there are other people that understand as well. :)
I'm also trying to decide what to do over winter break. I probably will only be able to watch so many movies (and my parents don't have that whole MVP thing at hollywood, though perhaps they should consider it. or I should consider it. Or something. But the Hollywood video in Shorewood blows monkeys. They didn't even have Robin Hood Men in Tights last time I was there. Boo.) and count so many ceiling tiles (come to think of it, i think most of our ceilings are plaster. fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. there goes my plan for break! maybe i'll count paneling in the den...).
So, what should I do for winter break????
Anyway, time to change for collegium. As head student worker, I probably shouldn't go wearing jeans. Rats.


- posted by L. @ 11:49 AM

 
Pain. Lots of it.
And it's all in my left arm....
Yes, I'm leaving this open for public slandering, but upon waking up this morning, my left arm hurt. A lot. I think it's based on my inability to bowl. ;)
On a completely different note, I did go out and get that fun fun present for Steph. It's therapeutic. Really. :)
- posted by L. @ 1:43 AM

 
Today's ongoing debate: Is education more important than sanity OR would dropping out of school now be a bad idea??
Well I may or may not have given it away in the title, but if you think I'm happy go lucky, and want to preserve that image you have of me, I suggest you stop reading now.

If you're still here, I warned you.
I've spent the past three (four?) months debating in my head whether there was more importance held in getting an education (and a college degree) or staying sane. As it stands right now, I am one semester and two weeks away from my bachelor's degree.
To quote Garfield, "Big fat hairy deal."
I haven't decided whether or not it's more important to get the bachelor's degree or to maintain what's left of my personal sanity. I'm long past my boiling point, and my rope gave out years ago.
I guess the thing I've been thinking over and over again is to just fucking drop out. I don't care. What good is having a college degree when the mere act of trying to get the damn thing is making you miserable? I am by far much more miserable this year, much more miserable right this minute, than I ever was on April 8. Or April 9. Or any of those long, miserable nights where I sat up for hours just crying and yelling at whatever power it was that made my entire world just come to a screeching halt. But at least then, then I could look to the future and know that despite how I felt in my self-pity, despite how I felt at having a broken heart, that IT WASN'T MY FAULT. That things would get better as I moved on, because time heals all wounds.
Well, I sure haven't healed from the mistakes I made in April of 2001. That mistake being that I didn't feel like going to a school that was 10 blocks from my house. That I didn't feel like going to a school where I would be overshadowed because of politics (yes, music is very political. it's 10% talent, 90% who you know. or worse). That would be stupid mistake number one. Why in God's name did I make such a shallow choice? Besides, it's not like I came out on top here - ooh, far from it.
Part of the draw of hell (i mean, Ripon), was the prospect of being a big fish in a small pond. Coming from a small high school, where I definitely was overshadowed by people who constantly reminded me how much better they were than me (some friends i had, huh?), I liked the idea that I could spend some time being the big fish so to speak. Unfortunately, this plan not only has backfired, but it's fucked me over biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig time.
My inability to even remotely care about my classes at this point is going to fuck up my GPA. Which isn't very stellar to begin with. I'm not saying I'm a bad student, but if I'm going to struggle in my classes and only come out with mediocre grades, why didn't I go to a school where a music degree would actually mean more than a, oh, flaming pile of dogshit, for instance. I don't know how many music classes I've taken so far, and I've gotten only two A's in any of them; music theory one (which was a joke class, for me anyway), and baroque/classical musical styles. And then for the latter, did I really earn the A, or was it because I wrote so much stuff for my final project and my final essay that he didn't actually grade on content but rather on length? Or is it because I actually turned my stuff in on time? I stayed up till 5 in the morning doing my final projects, and then I got up again at 10:30 to finish up my final essay. I didn't beg for an extension because we had more or less the whole semester to do it, so I knew I had to do it, and did. Did he give me an A for that? Did he give me an A because I went to him to get advice on grad school? Or because I was somewhat teacher's pet? Did I really EARN that A?? And as for the rest, I've gotten B+'s, B's...nothing very spectacular. Why didn't I go to, Lawrence or Madison, or some prestigious sounding music school if I was only going to be a B student anyway?? At least then I would have "Lawrence" or "University of Wisconsin" on my diploma, not Ripon-fucking-College. What's the point?
I came to Ripon because the idea of a liberal arts school sounded good. Hey, nothing like being well-rounded. Well, now I face the ridicule of being just extremely dumb when it comes to sciences, and I'm struggling to pass a 100 level chemistry class when I'm a senior in college. I dreaded going to that class every Tuesday because my lab partner treated me like I was stupid. Eventually that does something to the self-esteem. By the way, I'm a girl, and as you know, we don't have any self-esteem anyway. I'm anticipating no higher than a C in my 200 level history class that I absolutely hate. I've skipped five classes because I dread going to class to hear my professor drone on and on about a book I probably didn't read, and if I did, I hated anyway, so that when he calls on me, I can babble incessantly like a friggin' seven year old about nothing. This semester is going to royally fuck over my GPA. I get out of the tradition Ripon mold and do just fine. I take a history class at MATC with a great group of people, we learned a LOT in a short amount of time, and I aced the class. I even applied for honors credit in the class. Because of the transfer of the credits, etc, I don't know if I got the honors credit, but I definitely applied for it, at my professor's urging. I take the baroque/classical music history class with a professor who hasn't taught at Ripon before ever, and won't ever again either, and I aced that too (for whatever reason). My history classes that I've taken to qualify towards my major - well....those, I try, and fail. I don't mean fail as in F's, but I mean fail as in I try really hard - way harder every time - and come up with, at best, a B or B-. I have a history research paper due at 1pm tomorrow afternoon, and it's now less than 12 hours away from being due, and I'm putting in off based on the logic that I pulled a paper out of my ass for this professor once at 4:00 in the fucking morning, wrote for maybe 90 minutes, and got a higher grade on that than anything else I've ever done for that professor in three separate classes of his. That's not learning anything except that there is no point to actually taking time to write a paper if you stand a chance of getting a higher grade if you bullshit, or get the same grade anyway. College has been nothing but bullshit. Why is a college degree important? I'm probably not going to get a job that I couldn't have gotten out of high school anyway. The only thing that might be on my side is being older than I was in 2001.
And don't anyone ever tell me that I've had an easy life. Bullshit. You call my life easy? I look back at my younger days and realize I spent most of it alone. I'm not saying that I am sad about that at all. Summer days were spent, for the most part, inside. I was much happier reading a book or playing the piano than I was playing outside. I have spent most of my life alone, and have been happier like that. But then there are the times when I wouldn't be happier alone, and I end up that way anyway. And maybe it's my fear of being alone that leads me to detrimental friendships, relationships, participation in groups I wouldn't have usually. Would I have ever joined a sorority if I hadn't felt the need to be a part of a family? Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with joining sororities, and I'm not saying that I don't want to be a part of one. What I am saying is that I don't think I would have joined if circumstances would have been different leading up to college.
I hear people complain about how their parents are tough on them. How they get criticized for what they do or don't do. I would give anything to have one of my parents criticize me. At least then I'd know what it was that they didn't really like about me! Am I too stupid? Am I too smart? Would they have liked me better if I'd be a varsity athlete? Would they have liked me better if I hadn't been a music nerd? Would I be better liked and appreciated if I hadn't been sitting inside reading books? Would I have been better off as a straight-A student? Am I too fat, too skinny, too short? What?? What is it that you don't like about me??
Oh, I know they say they don't dislike me, but I'm not stupid enough to believe that. I know that if I'm out of their house it makes their life better. I could barely persuade them to come get me for a weekend home when I was a freshman in college, and my sister went home every single damn weekend until she dropped out. I'm one semester away from graduating, and my sister isn't even in school anymore. I'm not bashing my sister. I love my sister to death. And in the tradition of older siblings, I'd do anything to make sure that nobody hurts her. Why, I don't know.
Everyone says they'll go home for a while. They'll live at home while they pay off debts, find a 'real' job, etc. By exactly May 16, 2005 (and hopefully sooner), I have to know what the fuck I'm doing. Where the fuck I'm living. Who I'm living with. The option of living at home at all is simply not an option for me. The longest I'd be able to do it would be until June 1...when it would be a more convenient time to start up a lease. If I don't have a job lined up, I have to haul my ass back to Ohio, and work there. I don't have even a temporary job at home.
Easy life, sure. I feel like I shouldn't have anything to complain about. But I'm not the perfect person I may look like on the outside. I constantly worry about where I'm headed with my life. Life is a series of ups and downs, but mine has been more downs than ups. The change of seasons, the short daylight throws my balance completely out of whack. You think that's easy to deal with? And what's the cure for that? For the past two years my room has faced east, so I get as much sun as possible, but big deal. It doesn't make winter any easier. If I smile in your general direction, it doesn't mean I'm happy. It probably means I'm hiding something.
I'm sure you probably think I'm crazy. Maybe I am. Maybe I don't have anything to complain about, but if you think that, don't tell me. I'm not in the mood to hear about how much worse off your life is than mine. I smile because I would rather hide behind a smile than try to explain how I really feel. I need people around who have the patience to put up with me and who are there when I need them. I need to stop having detrimental relationships (of any variety), but the fear of being alone all over again makes me stick with friends I might not necessarily like. I've lost my passion for my only talents. I may smile on the outside, but inside, I'm definitely not smiling.
- posted by L. @ 12:59 AM

 
Oh lord....

Millennium Force


What Cedar Point Roller Coaster Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Only *I* would find something like this. God help me, my life is pathetic. :) But at least I heart that roller coaster!!! Teehee. I don't usually post this many quizzes in two days, but...
- posted by L. @ 9:59 PM

 
blah blah saturday blah blah...
Today is my favorite day of the whole semester...the first Saturday in December, which has been, for the past four years, been Choral Union hell rehearsal and Choraliers hell day. I'm sure my Choral Union Choraliers members must hate me for all of the additional singing I made them do tonight. Oh well. Sucks to be them! :)
But overall, it wasn't too bad. Except for the disorganization. Short of finding something heavy to whack the slacker members over the head with, I'm not sure if there's much more I can do to make people show up. Curses to them! *scowls*
So after a fun fun rehearsal of Choral Union and orchestra (and having a tremendous urge to tell my clueless orchestra director that she's shit out of luck for having me as principal oboe next semester...but I think I'm going to wait. I'm actually signed up for the class, so I think I'm going to tell them I'm dropping it for credit, and then actually just not showing up to no penalty because hey, if I'm not taking a course for credit....ah, I'm so clever. I can't just flat out say that I want to drop the class, because that won't happen. They won't let me. I know, it seems ridiculous, but I just KNOW they won't let me drop orchestra. So I have to go about sneakier means. Shh, don't tell). I had to wait for Joe and other Choraliers members, so I stuck around while they practiced the not-Magnificat pieces. Yeah, I brought along a book, but my butt totally fell asleep after about 10 minutes. That's why I hate going to church! :) That and Joe was making faces at me during 'Deck the Halls' so I of course am sitting there cracking up, and people were asking me if it was really that bad afterward....no, Joe just made me laugh.
So after running around like chickens with our heads cut off, we finally managed to successfully get everyone into the cars and ready to head to the Heidel House. Not after having someone show up LATE and then have to get their music, got stuck behind a deliberately slow driver on 23 west to Green Lake, then had to wait for Sally because she didn't pass deliberately slow driver like Joe did, then me half-stripping in the Heidel House parking lot, getting to the Heidel House like a bunch of clowns, me playing the piano in terrible lighting (what note is that? and that? and that? etc), yikes. It was not our greatest performance, but eh, meh, it happens. We've got next week to redeem ourselves. In the grand Christmas Choraliers tradition, I burned both my thumb AND my tongue on the hot chocolate. I don't think the holiday season would be complete without me burning at least one of the above on the post-singing hot chocolate.
In a new tradition of me and Joe, we headed over to Roadwhore with Kali and Christina, had a lovely dinner of grease, only to be interupted at like, 5 minute to 7 by an extremely out of breath Sally who had run over from the Commons to tell us that they were expecting us at 6:00, NOT 7:30 (somehow that story got mixed up, whoops). So we got a doggy bag for Joe, and hauled ass over to the Commons to sing at the Crachit Cocktail party. One of our better performances, though we had to stifle our groans because of the extreme out-of-tune-ness on the piano in the commons (it was covered in dust too, ew).
Needless to say, it was an amusing day.
Anyway, I'm going to go watch Titanic now, to further prove that I would rather be doing ANYTHING besides homework on a Saturday night. Even though I have a 10-12 page research paper due at 1:00 on Monday. For which I have no topic. Oh well. If I can pull a B on this paper, I'll be happy. :) I think that may redeem me for all those classes I've skipped. Whoops. Can't wait till 1:00 on Mooooooooooooonday!!! (or sooner, depending on when I turn said paper in)!!!
- posted by L. @ 9:52 PM

 
Huh??

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability. You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea. Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion. You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone. If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

Ooh, so whenever anyone asks me that...I'll have an answer! You know the drill, let me know where you're from :)
- posted by L. @ 10:58 PM

 
Oh joy, it's Friday...the start of a hellish weekend!!! :)
Ooh, it's Friday. Not that that means any form of welcome relief from anything...le sigh. Oh well, in just over a week most of this will be over! Huzzah!
Last night was my last Thursday night orchestra rehearsal ever! Unless they somehow manage to talk me into taking that horrible, evil, wretched, waste-of-time class again next semester. I hope (because I'm evil) that they are playing a piece that requires a really good principal oboe, because then she's shit out of luck! Ha! Take that! I was ready to drop orchestra at this point in high school too, but out of respect and actual like of my director, I opted to stay. However, in college, we are seriously lacking in that department. If I liked our director, I'd stay. Why did Dr. Alexander have to leave???????? :(
So, there's my happiness/sadness (happiness at not having to be in orchestra, sadness at not being in orchestra/Dr Alexander leaving).
Uff, anyway.
Good lord, my days are far too busy for the next week or so.
Jazz band concert, Chapter 6 tonight afterwards, then working on shit.
Saturday: Choral Union hell day. Choraliers hell day. More homework.
Sunday: Choral Union hell concert. Working on homework.
Monday: I think that paper is due, besides, it's monday. Lots of work. Maybe no lesson. I hope. Then band, and more work. Of the resource center kind, anyway. Blah.
Tuesday: Class, Rodman, more class, more Rodman, more work?
Wednesday: Work, lesson (oop, automatic bad mood day), work, recuperating from bad mood, band, work on presentation (read: bullshit).
Thursday: Class, more class (complete with presentation!), teaching lesson, then NO ORCHESTRA! (okay, maybe thursday isn't so bad)
Friday: Probably practicing. Not for my juries, because they're going to suck anyway. Last year I got A's and A-'s across the board, AND only 3 hours of sleep (ah! memories! that was fun). This year, I could probably sleep endless before hand, and still do badly. Why's that, you may ask. Well, if I was going to be playing some pieces at juries that I actually KNEW, I could BS it, but my teacher's brilliant strategy is to have me play some pieces I DON'T KNOW because she doesn't want to hear the ones I DO know again. Yeah, I think her logic sucks.
Saturday: Jury day! Don't care. Oops, I'm accompanying two people. Okay, I'll care about juries for their stuff. Hehe. And more Choraliers fun. Ohboy!!! But after Heidel House fun, it's possibly dinner fun at Gooseblind or something. Yay!
Sunday: Ooh, all the non-fun is over! But I'll have to start worrying about finals. I actually have two, but they're not till the end of the week. And why do then what I can do later?? :)
Ooh, but Professor Lee DID give us a chance to redeem ourselves. I better start working on the take-home final like, now. Maybe I'll do that this Tuesday night, so I can get the extra credit for doing the stuff early, as well as doing all 12 questions rather than 8. Score one for the aspiring overachiever. It's not going to happen. But hey, I can hope, can't I?? Maybe I can get some of those done at work on Monday, since it'll be 3 hours of just sitting there anyway. :)
In the meantime, I'm coming up with ways to make myself scarce. Any suggestions?
In exciting news (for me anyway), I found out one of my high school friends (Kristen), lives in Rochester! So then I can maybe head out to Rochester sometime with another HS friend (Tiffany), to go visit Kristen AND Erin (college friend)...it's like killing two birds with one stone! Hooray! So yay, Erin, I might be able to come visit you! And I've found someone else to ride out there with! Yay for Tiffany!
Funny quote from yesterday...
Reid: Why is it so fucking cold here??
Me: Because this is Wisconsin...and it's December.
Reid: Good point.
Me: Besides, aren't you from Minnesota? Isn't it like, warm here???
- posted by L. @ 11:47 AM

 

Today has already been a rotten day (and it's not even noon!)...so I'm going for things that make me happy...at least somewhat. Yay for pictures.... 

Heather, Megan, me and Donna ... no, Chrystina, we didn't all plan to wear gray (though it is kinda funny, since we all matched all the rest of the time too - yay Snoopy!)

However, speaking of Megan, it's her 21st birthday, so she deserves a special song:
*ahem, ahem*
Happy birthday to you
You live in a zoo
You smell like a monkey...
and you look like one too!

Have a great 21st birthday, and don't do what I did on my 21st. Wait, yes, you should. :) (and feel honored. you're only the 2nd person this year that i've 'sung' my birthday song on my blog to!)
- posted by L. @ 11:54 AM

 
166 days to go...
Sorry to overshadow my earlier post about yesterday with doom, but...
I've caught the an interesting case of senioritis. I'm going to call it "Ripon College Oboists I Hate Orchestra and I'm Getting Fucked Over by the Department" Syndrome. Ta-daaaaaaaaaaa!
That and we're working on a piece in band that was commissioned by the Lawrence University band last spring, and we listened to a recording of it by the LU Band from last spring...and all I could think was "that could have been me."
Maybe it's because it's Wednesday that I'm in such a bad mood. I'm always in a bad mood on Wednesdays (it's oboe lesson day on Wednesdays). I think it has to do with the fact that my teacher becomes more of a psycho bitch every week. I didn't think it was possible, but it is. How I'm going to stand another whole semester of lessons, I'm not quite sure. I think I'm going to go insane.
I think my project for next Monday is to find out just how many days I have to actually spent here, not including winter break (yay! a month! a whole, entire month away from ripon! i don't think my life is going to get much better until may 16!), weekends, and spring break (where i shall hopefully be visiting the loveleeeeeee lizzie...because her lil one bedroom apt is going to be lonely, and she'll need someone to go to the mall of america with). :)
But until then, I'll try not to go insane.
- posted by L. @ 7:37 PM

 
What's an enigma? NEVER MIND!
Okay, so this has nothing whatsoever to do with enigmas, or anything, I'm just giddy today for no apparent reason (though the pile of work I have to do by next Monday should make me depressed), but for those of you who haven't learned anything new today yet, an enigma is:
1. One that is puzzling, ambiguous, or inexplicable.
Thanks to dictionary.com.
Anywho, now that's out of my system. Hooray! It's December first! I'm not sure why this is exciting, well aside from my chocolate Advent calendar. I had to start with day 21 though, because it was already open. Luckily though, because I'm smart, I figured out to cross of the 2 in 21, and write a 2 before 1 to make 21. Smart, no?
So this week has been noteworthyless. Went to bed super late on Monday night, was up super early on Tuesday morning, did the class thing, did the lunch thing, did the skipping chemistry lab even though i probably should have gone because i didn't write my paper either thing, did the driving to green bay thing, did the going to a painful play thing, did the going to KROLLS thing, and then went home. Yes, yesterday was a noreworthyless day.
Ooh, unless you count getting Muppet Christmas Carol on DVD noteworthy, because I sure do. Yeah for that! More to aid in my procrastinating on the paper that I don't want to write because hell, it's already late...but I have to make sure I write a decent-ish paper now. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Went to see The King & I last night at the Weidner Center. The way it was built up to be a good play on Hwy 41 you'd think it wouldn't have been so painful! I was in pain from the minute we got there till we left. I thought the singer who played Anna was going to make my ears bleed. And everyone else I couldn't understand anyway. I guess that's what saved my ears from bleeding. Though I have to admit the singer who played the King of Siam was hilarious. He was so good at the male chauvanist role. So despite his character flaws, I found him amusing :)
Ooh, and I did (over lunch) figure out the line from One Night in Bangkok:
"The creme de la creme of the chess world in a
Show with everything but Yul Brynner"
Yup, I'm slow. Besides, I ONLY saw the play in 1995 (ooh, shit, that was 6th grade). Score one for me.
It was okay though, because going to Kroll's West afterwards made up for any pain that was inflicted upon seeing The King & I. Even though my arteries clogged and I gained 10 pounds just from looking at my food....
Lunch! Lunch was fun! Lunch was at Republican House. Yeah! And there was a whole contingent of us. Yeah!
Got lost in Green Bay too. It was kinda fun. But kinda not. But I got Muppet Christmas Carol, so it was all good.
Ummm.
Am I forgetting anything??
My shoulder hurts. But I have no idea why. And it leaves me defenseless against smacking people when they need to be smacked.
Yeah...I think that's it for me.















Joking, of course!
Yay my recital!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It went extremely well. Joe even went so far as to say that Kirin (in her grape costume or big purple muumuu, aka shapeless purple corduroy dress...agh) was dancing. Until Mom smacked her. Gooooooooooooood that I didn't see that or I would have burst out laughing.
Anyway, things went without a hitch. There were a few little mistakes, but overall nothing to be terribly upset about! Hooray for that! Either way, it's over, it went very well (in my humble opinion), and I wasn't nervous beforehand. I was frozen (literally, the hall was freezing! it was craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy) on stage, but not really all that terribly nervous. So that was good. And it's over. And there was a recording made!! Yay for that!! So I'll probably be yoinking that from the resource center soon and making copies. So I can breathe a sigh of relief. Hope that answers your questions, Abdul. ;)

Oh! The STRANGEST thing happened today.
I went to the mailroom as usual (and just to clarify, no, my German history textbook isn't here yet, hahahaha), and found a little envelope with a cute little dog on it, and chinese symbols.
If you remember back to my freshman year, you may automatically think of the only one person who would have possibly sent me anything in the mail with chinese symbols, and you're right.
But I'll continue.
I was extremely puzzled, because I knew there was only one person who would have logistically sent me something with chinese symbols on it, so I was baffled. The writing bore a trace of familiarity, as I recalled it from lots of strange messages written on my door and such during freshman year.
I'm not going to keep you in suspence any longer, but yes, the note WAS from calah.
*insert strange expression on face right here*
For those of you who don't know, Calah & I never really got along, and we did live together as suitemates our freshman year. After things got extremely messy and crappy and blegh!, I relocated after spring break, and we haven't ever really spoken since.
So you can imagine my surprise at finding a note from her in my mailbox.
Not only was it a note from Calah, BUT she came to my recital yesterday!! HUHWHAT???????? AND told me she looks forward to the one in April.
Needless to say, I'm a little surprised.
But then again, as our last names are right next to each other in the senior class, hopefully this will make alphabetical seating at graduation slightly less awkward. Yikes. :)
- posted by L. @ 4:45 PM